Back To School

Elder Johnson,

 It's wonderful to hear you have not lost your zeal! I love how energized you are. Life here is pretty much the same. I am still folding laundry on my bed while Audrie lays on the other side yacking away about boys. School has started it was strange to get all the kids but one off to school and then to be heading out the door for work with one still in bed calling out to me to have a nice day at work. A strange role reversal there for me.

 Steve is Steve, he still loves to argue with me, since the pool is now closed I have put him in charge of the chickens eggs, feed, cleaning the coop, all of it. He also walks and brushes Lady. I know how you must miss our dog ;) We have had more rain and thunder storms than normal for August so our sweet Lady is always freaking out. You'd love it!!!

 I don't know if Steve told you that he totaled my little black Honda. Yep no more driving for Steve. He actually got in two accidents that day one of his traditional parking lot bang ups and then one on Redwood Rd. he didn't get a ticket, whatever that is supposed to prove.

I am enjoying working in the lunch room at Taylorsville. I especially enjoy the kids that come in and freak out because I am there. I know you would have been one of those if I had been there last year. There are a few who clearly don't want me to acknowledge knowing them so I just smile. With the exception of Tyler Breinholt who I enjoyed making a fuss over because I could tell he wanted to pretend he didn't know me. So that was fun!!!

Audrie is more boy crazy then ever. She is being a bit of a smoochy face.

Football has started and both Cael and Sharp are playing. I thought Cael would be a whiner about it but so far he is liking it. He lost his first game and as he came in the house he passed Lily and asked, "Who do you think won my game?" She said she didn't know and with a relaxed heave of his shoulders he said, "Not me!" and walked on by like it was no big thing. I had asked him on the way home if he had fun and he said yes so it looks like that is going to be okay.

Lots of us got to go see 'Wicked'. I have wanted to see it for years but you know $$$$$$. Well we found out that two hours before the show they do a drawing and 10 people can buy a set of tickets for 50 dollars. So we went every day of the last week sometime we won sometimes not. Grace, Audrie, Steve and I all got to go. Not at the same time. Well Steve went with Grace it was a brother sister date AWE right! So that was a fun way to wrap up summer break.

I did sharing time in Primary this month. My lessons were on Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy, Family Prayer, Scripture Study and Family Home Evening. As a family you know that we try to do all these things but consistency is a struggle especially in the summer. No routine you know. As mundane as they can feel and I am sure you can relate to that, routine is an important part of becoming. I am thankful for the challenge that it is to keep to a routine and for the growth I see in my family and myself when we do. I love that the Gospel asks so much of us. The challenge is what keeps me going, striving and reaching and then looking on to what more I can do to improve. I am more like a wavy line lots of ups and downs but the wavy line is still in an upward incline and as long as it is I find peace in my imperfection because I know that God knows I am doing my best and he accepts that BEST and makes it perfect. I love this Gospel and YOU! -Trea

First Day of School!

Boys! Boys! Boys!

Shaun Haney was the boy across the street and our story could have been told on a show like the 'Wonder Years'. He was the first boy I ever held hands with. We liked each other in 5th grade and everyone knew because we were square dancing partners. Their was a segment in Gym class for square dancing and you had to choose a partner for the entire segment. Shaun was mine in 5th grade but not 6th I made the huge mistake of accepting another boy as partner in 6th grade which I am sure hurt Shaun's feelings. My teacher even told me I had done better with my partner(Shaun) the previous year. I guess by spring Shaun had forgiven me and we were back in 'like' again because we held hands during a movie at outdoor education. (Outdoor education was a special school camping trip.) I hated that we had become the talk of the 6th grade. The news about our hand holding spread like crazy. Shaun was more of a friend than a boyfriend. He was a genuinely kind person. That said there was the time my sister tied me to the light post on the corner of our street. She left me there for a long time. Shaun road his bike past and didn't save me so there is that. But over all nice boy.

In seventh grade a boy passed me a note in math class asking me if I would be his girl friend. I did have a crush on him and so said yes. He met me at my locker at the end of the day and kissed me. This was not what I thought it would be. He stuck his tounge in my mouth and I didn't like it. I decided I would let it go but he did it again the next day. So the day after that I wrote him a note and told him I didn't want to, "Go Out" with him anymore.

Troy, Andrew and Kendra

I would say my first real boyfriend was Andrew Henry. In 8th grade I was kind of having a do over. My best friend from 7th grade had moved away. A girl who lived accross the street from me took her place, Kendra. She had invited me to go to a movie with some of her friends. She was in 7th grade and being the cool 8th grader that I was and trying to come out of my shy shell, I made fun of all of them the whole night. I had ruined everything. I was rude and all those fun kids were going to have nothing to do with me.

A day or two later I found out that Andrew one of the boys who had been there had a little crush on me. This astonished his friends including Kendra who openly told me I had been pretty rude teasing to much. It just so happened that Kendra's boyfriend was Andrew's best friend Troy. They both lived very close to each other as well. The two of them lived on the other side of the park. So Andrew and I got thrown together a lot because our best friends were a couple.

Kendra and Troy

It didn't take long before we became couples. The shocker came when I realized that I had stolen my friends boyfriend. I was the captain of the cheerleaders and Angie who I was getting to know pretty well was my co-captain.

Angie

She was fun and we got along well. She had told me about her boyfriend and I didn't realize that her boyfriend and my crush were one in the same.We did the dramatic back and forth I would break up with him and he would go back to Angie and then they would break up and we would get back together. It was dramatic hurtful and really really not age appropriate. When Andrew was with Angie I would 'Go Out' with one of his friends. There was a pretty tight group of 7th grade friends, because of Facebook I know that they are still tight. I kissed lots of them. I guess you could say I had my wild days in Junior High rather than High School. (Wild in LDS terms that is.) In the end Andrew, Kendra, Troy and I spent the summer before my 9th grade year together. Andrew and I agreed that when school started we would both move on. The four of us had a fun and memorable summer.

Troy and I

Kendra and Troy ended up Married and are still happily married today. I think I can admit that Andrew was my first love, young as I was I think I really did love him. I still care about him and wish him happiness and well.

Troy, Sergio, Me, Steve above. Some of those fun 7th graders.

Dan was from a whole different friend group. We had a off and on again relationship. Once we even had a secret romance. We got caught kissing by one of our friends and so that came to an end. He was the funny life of the party guy and we became fast and easy friends. We played spoons and truth or dare, did a lot of sneaking out together with other friends late at night and did lots of silly stuff like steeling for sale signs out of peoples yards. We coped through the death of a friend together. Wesly Bennidct (Wes) had been a fun loving all around great guy he died in a car accident the summer before 9th grade. One night a bunch of us were out late walking the neighborhood and we decided that we wanted to make a memorial for Wes. He was a football player and so we decide to go put his name on the field. We ripped up the grass to spell his name. Really a silly thing to do but an overall harmless way to lean on each other and work through our pain. Dan would have been my boyfriend in 9th grade had it not been for my desire to be obedient to the guidelines of my church. I was taught that dating before the age of 16 was not appropriate. I embraced my religion that year. I had developed a strong personal relationship with God through personal prayer. Timing was terrible. Another girl had been liking Dan and the gossip was all about who he would end up with me or her. He basicly chose me only to find out that I would no longer be 'Going Out' with any one. He was hurt and long story short my 9th grade year at North East Junior High was a lonely one. I made friends with a couple of Mormon girls that lived south of Denver and I spent most weekends with them. School was just lonely and hard. I was an outcast by choice trying to figure out how to hold to my standards and stay friends with everyone. I guess that is something to be thankful for since that is also the year that everyone started finding ways to get alcohol to the parities. Today Dan is a distant facebook friend. He is openly Gay and looks to be in a loving long term relationship.

Uriah and I 1992

My focus became youth group and church dances.My friendships with Uriah Otting and Chris Aniscough became solid, fun guys from my church ward. I would meet boys from other cities at church dances and we would talk for hours on the phone. Everything got more wholesome in my social world. There would be no more sneaking out. I wouldn't be kissed again until I was 16 and old enough to date. I would make more friends through early morning seminary. (A daily Scripture Study class held before school at the church house) The transition was sweet, I avoided a lot of heart ache and got back some of my youth. Uriah would have a paint war with me while getting our special olympic booth ready. His Mom spent a great deal of loving time helping me get paint out of my hair. Chris made me a pair of boxer shorts. (Popular PJ attire we all wore over long underwear to seminary.) We would all gather and head to the drive in riding in the back of Chris' truck. We made lots of good memories and really grew to become dear friends. In high school we would all eat lunch together at the 'Mormon Table'. There were more boys than girls my age at church and so my friends were primarily boys. I would have crushes from time to time on both Chris and Uriah but nothing was ever acted on. Uriah and I stayed friends after I moved to Utah and still send Christmas cards to day he was and is a dear and true friend. I sometimes see satire of the religious kids in movies and TV shows and think yep I guess that was us without the ugly twists of course.

Lunch Lady

For two years I have waited on God trusting his timing for joining the work force. In every prayer I ever prayed about the topic there has been a underlying desire to be a 'Stay at Home Mom' that is what is in my heart. It's the Mormon girl dream. That said there have been countless times that I have apologized to Todd because I didn't have a talent to share that would bring in a little extra money. I envied the music lessons my friends could give or the preschools they ran. I have longed to contribute financially. Timing is everything and my life long goal is to learn to live on and accept God's timing.

This job, this lunch lady job is so perfectly suited for me. I still feel very much like a stay at home Mom. I am home when my children are home. (I do miss my time with Lily in the morning but remind myself that I only had a few more months of that anyway and I just hug her and tell her that I miss our mornings the same way I did when each of my other children began full days of school.) My work doesn't drain me of the much needed patience set aside for my children to use up. Rather it has given me structure, motivation, some sisterhood and more family support.

 I have a morning routine that is solid and I love a routine.  I was never very consistant about a morning routine as a mother so many times my children have gotten themselves ready and come to kiss me good bye in bed before heading out the door to school. I wish I could say that this only happened because I had been up all night with a baby but many many times it was because I had stayed up late with Todd watching a movie. Then it was simply because I could. Todd's rotating shifts have always been challenging for me. Keeping to a routine Monday through Friday when his days off often fall mid week and the late shifts mixed with the early shifts. When Todd married me I was a morning person who loved a strong morning routine. I am rediscovering that morning person, I wasn't sure she existed anymore. The only sad part is that I nod off at ten and poor Todd is left to finish what ever program or movie we've selected without me. We say our couple prayer before we turn on any entertainment now and I guess it doesn't bother him to much if I don't stay awake.

 I am more motivated to get things done when I get home because I have only a couple of hours before the children come home but also because I am more emotionally filled.  I eat lunch with 9 other ladies every day who are kind and want to get to know me. We work and visit for all but the half hour that we serve lunch to the students. I come home to find Todd has pitched in to help with the house work the way he did when we had babies. I hope he keeps it up. I thank him a lot so it's likely to continue. I can say to my kids you've got to be more helpful I work now and they do and are more helpful. I don't feel overburdened I feel relieved.

I don't feel robbed of anything. There have been and will be sacrifices but they have all been small. In fact lots of thing have played out very differently than they originally seemed. We found some tax write offs. Our pumpkin patch and egg business are two of the things we overlooked. So we won't owe quiet as much as we thought. We have settled into a rough budget that allows for some home improvements, that has always been a hobby Todd and I have enjoyed together so it's wonderful to be moving forward on some projects. We won't have to sell our travel trailer and we will be able to contribute to Steve's mission fund. So our fall fundraiser will be turned over to Audrie this year to run and decide on a non profit organization to donate too. She will use it as a Young Women Project. Then next year we will give it to Sharp and hopefully it will be his eagle project. I love family service projects and hope that this becomes a special family tradition. I am learning to be patient with God. His plan for my life is a good one and sometimes it looks messy but the pieces always come together over time and make sense.

In The Park ( Woodglen)

When I was in the 5th grade we moved from our home on Cyd Drive. There were a few strange things about moving. First the parents of a girl in my class were buying my house, that was so weird. I remember my parents talking in the front room to the owner and trying to negotiate a purchase. I also remember how excited they were when they found the house on Jackson Street. They were buying a house, we were buying a house and it was a big and exciting deal. Our Bishop had moved away and was called to be the Bishop in a new area we would be moving into this new area called, Woodglen.

Woodglen was Utopia. There was a huge park in the center of the community with a pond, playground, lots of ball fields, a trail big trees and a play ground. Woodglen Elementery was built right next to the park so again we could walk to school. Also there was a ditch. The ditch had a concrete bottom and was lined on each side with grass and large trees. It really was a well designed community and even as an adult I have not seen many subdivisions set up quite so lovely. My brothers would spend a lot of time catching crawdads in the ditch and pond. In the summer I would enjoy walking in the ditch to cool my feet with friends on the way over to the park. My family would live on Jackson St. until my Junior Year in High School. I claim that area as home, were I grew up. When I here Taylor Swift sing, "The house that built me" I think of the house on Jackson St. This is were I went from little girl to young woman and so many happy memories surround the beautiful community of Woodglen.

I would walk through the park to meet up with friends and boy friends who lived on the other side. So many soccer games would be enjoyed in that park. I would share my faith with my best friend Staci and kneel in prayer on a dusky spring evening in that park. My best friend Matt (he really should have been my boyfriend) would play me a song he wrote for me on his saxaphone in that park. I would kiss my first real boyfriend (Andrew) in that park and my second and third for that matter, lots of young and sweet kissing happened in that park. My cute little brothers with buckets full of crawdads and Sunday walks with my sister. Woodglen Park was like a family room in a toddlers world. I learned so much and enjoyed so much growing up in that beautiful park.

 I have to own that there are a few negative and very very sad things that happend while living their. Denver's Crips (blue) and Bloods (red) gangs. We lived about 45min North of Denver and all I knew about crips and bloods was that they were rival gangs that hated each other. Issues surounding what color you wear and what team your baseball hat displayed were things I started hearing about in Junior High. I thought of those kinds of things as distant big city problems. There was almost an incedent in the park, it was 1990 I was with my boyfriend, best friend and a group of other friends. A little boy was mouthing off to us and the boys in our group talked back. He said his brother was a, "Crip" and he was going to go tell him and they were going to come and get us. Andrew, my boyfriend had a big brother he was Corby's age, Travis, I can't remember why he was there but he was around. This old ugly blue van came roaring into the parking lot that we were all walking toward. All these really scary people got out and were coming to us. There were girls and boys all punked out with ratty hair and the girls didn't have much on. One of them had a chain and was holding it out in front of himself in this intimidating I'm coming for you kind of way. I really couldn't tell you what or if other wepons were being displayed but these people were clearly their to beat us up and they were walking toward us. Travis went running out in front of us and strarted debating and trying to reason with them that we were just a bunch of kids and to just leave. They kept walking toward us. I guess someone living in one of the houses must have seen the van speed by or something because we could suddenly hear police sirens and all those scary people turned around and ran back to their van and drove off. It was strange, scary and unforgettable.

The saddest event that touched my life in Woodglen was the murder of a boy my age Jason Trembath.(Oct. 10, 1992) We had gone to school together and I had a little crush on him early in Junior High. I kissed him once at a silly end of school party (7th grade) on a dare sort of thing but I really did like him. I remember wishing that we had left that party together because the party turned a negative kind of silly and a lot of dumb stuff happened. We were both shy, too shy. He was a blond blue eyed sweet boy. The kind of kid who got good grades, played baseball and had manners. The story goes that he was wearing the wrong baseball hat. Their back yard bordered the park and he was playing ball with his brother, he went to get a fly ball in the park and got into a little bit of a tif with a drunk 14 year old over his hat when he was shot. In 1994 his brother Michael would die in a car accident the night before he was to testify against the shooter. Michael was Ethan's age and was well liked and like his brother a well mannered kind person. These boys were the only children in their family and these events left us heart broken for their parents and the community of Woodglen devastated. Why and how could such a random act of violence like this happen in a neighborhood like Woodglen. Mona Trembath their mother remembered that Michael has said how much he just wanted to be with Jason the day before his car accident. Knowing that she said that, a mother who would get no justice for the murder of her son showed Faith believing that now her boys are together. I to believe with all my heart that they are together and proud of the strength their parents have shown in their passing.

I think we all have tragady's to face in our lives. Mine have not been as devistating or as public as those of the Trembath family. Some of the tragic stories that belong to my family were born in the house on Jackson St. my sister ran away from home while we lived their and my older brother's life long struggle with addiction first came to light while our family lived their. My parents faith and the sometimes imperfect yet concecrated effort they made to teach and save their children was as tangable as any object i have ever seen or held.Their commitment and love for God and faith that he has a plan for earthly families and ways for them and their children to return to him. I grew up knowing that I had a Heavenly Father who loved me unconditionally and that I also had earthly parents who did as well.  That message was never weak through all the other challenging situations that presented themselves in our family my parents set an example of the first and most important thing anyone can do, ask God. Their prayers of love and concern for us were uttered regularly. There is a primary song that goes, "I see my mother kneeling with her family each day I hear the words she wishpers as she bows her head to pray, her plea to the father quites all my fears, I am thankful love is spoken here." I loved and still love that song. It said just how I felt. My parents prayed for us by name in family prayer. They stood and shared the feelings of their hearts in Testimony meetings at chruch. I loved it! I love them. I followed their example and have been blessed abundantly for it. I believe in families and I believe that they can be together forever.

Affection and Fun

1992 My Dad and My Brother's they all wrestled from a very young age.

Wrestling is something my Dad loves with a passion. We spent a lot of Saturdays at wrestling tournaments. I would sit in front of him on bleachers waiting for my brothers next match.  I remember him rubbing my ear lobe and holding my face in his hands. His hands were always soft and very clean. The good thing about the waiting was sitting with my parents and Dad's hands. The smell of bar soap, was a refreshing sent that I could always count on and would over ride the all to familiar smell of a room full of anxious wrestlers. Affection comes very naturally to my Dad, he is very comfortable giving and receiving hugs. I loved to cuddle up to him, watching "The Wonderful World of Disney" on Sunday night and feeling the reassuring warmth and steady breathing of my Daddy's chest and heart. My Mother was different she was like an extension of me. Her hugs and lap were my home. She was just as intimate but in a totally different way. Dad had lots of flattery to shower upon us all while Mom was the loving but firm director.

Me, someone, Adam, Ethan, Corby, Mandy, Mom and Warren in buggy 1982

Warren and Darin 1986

Mom was in charge of the fun and before we had fun we always got the work done. Our finances were limited so Mom knew and took us to all kinds of free things. She knew when free day at the Zoo among other places were and we went. My parents did the maintenance on a condominium complex that had a pool we would help vacuum and clean and then we could swim. It was like having our own private pool most of the time. Watching Mom use a squeegee to clean the mirrors and glass in the foyer of the complex while keeping my baby brother from touching her finished work meant it was almost time to swim. Both of my parents were a lot of fun.

Christmas 1978 and Cross dressed hobo's 1981

They loved to dress up for a party, play cards with friends and family, and host a party. In that way they set the example for us that making time for fun was important. They had lots of fun with us too. Camping was big for us. Bolder Lake was a short hike to good fishing and a fun day trip. There was always a trip to Utah to visit my Mom's people and then Trappers Lake a favorite spot on my Dad's side.

Camping 1984 and swimming 1986 With Ethan and Mandy

But travel wasn't required for the fun to begin. We built tents out of blanket and furniture, had dance parties, slid down the stairs on sofa cushions (Maybe we did that one when my parents weren't home.) More than any game or activity we played it was just the spirit of our home. Dad coming up behind Mom to grab her away from the dishes for a kiss, climbing into bed with them in the morning and wrestling and laughing, they were genuinely happy people.

Our favorite climbing tree on Cyd Dr 1985

They gave us a great gift in that we all felt comfortable and confident in creating and having fun. I remember being given the assignment to wash the walls in our family room because my Mom was going to paint it later that day. Well we decided that since she was going to paint it anyway we would color on the wall. This had to be Corby's idea, she was the artist and very creative. We made the most colorful mural. My Mom wasn't mad when she came home she simple explained to us that she understood why we thought what we did but that painting over crayon would require a more expensive paint and an additional coat of paint. Then there was the time that we were cleaning downstairs and my little brothers wiped peanut butter up and down the hall way walls upstairs or when Darin got into a bucket of flour and ghosted himself. My Mom was the kind of Mom who didn't get mad she took pictures.

Darin in the flour 1984

She was very creative as well. When we were moving from our house on Cyd Dr. she had left our dog in the empty house. I guess the dog was having a problem and had drug it's bottom all over the carpets leaving skid marks every where. I can't even imagine having moved a family of ten and all that cleaning coming back to find that disgusting mess. Well she turned it into fun. Each of those skid marks needed to be treated before she went over the whole thing with a carpet cleaner. So she took us all to the house and with buckets of suds we did slip and slide all over. The combination of all our little feet sliding all over the soapy carpet did the trick and we just thought it was a party.

Our home on Cyd Dr. 2010

Dad, "Getting" Mom 4th of July 1993

It was my parents who taught me how important spontaneous fun is. Spontaneous fun creates intimacy. I love it when all my kids get in bed with us on a Saturday morning. We have silly and ridiculous conversations very much like the ones I remember having with my parents. I caress my kids ear lobes just like my Dad did and does. My son Cael once said something about Grandpa does that to me to, when I was playing with his ear. The way I touch my children and show my love for them has been heavily influenced by the way my parents did. One of our family motto's is, "We work hard so we can play hard!" my parents taught me that. My oldest son Steve and I once got into a flour fight that had the whole family and kitchen covered in flour. As I write this I realize that having a affectionate and spontaneous relationship with my parents has blessed the lives of my children and I believe gives me a different kind of strength and confidence to face the challenges of raising kids today.

Nightmares

Petrea Joell 4 years old

 There are a lot of scary things about being young. Looking back at some of the things that put fear into me makes me laugh and then I think about how very real it all felt and how much I didn't know. Really it's no wonder.

I had two recurring nightmares as a child first was a dream of my Dad as I had often seen him when we would take him lunch as a young child. He was up on scaffolding doing mason work and there was a pit of spiders under the scaffolding in my dream he would fall in head first and we would all run to try and pull him out. Usually we would be pulling and I would wake up. Sometimes we would pull him out only to find that his head was a giant spider. I think that this dream means I loved my Dad and hated spiders. Still do! I think my young mind understood how important my Dad was to our family, how much we all needed him.

My Dad and I 1976

Then there was the play dough monster. He would chase me through the house and I would decide to fight only to find that I could pull as much play dough off of him as I wanted and it wouldn't hurt him at all.

The real night mare in my young world had to do with Aids. Aids was a new disease in the United States. Children used the word to make fun of people on the play ground, you could say they were officially the new cooties. But it was a real big deal. Stories were on the news about it and adults talked about it a lot. Well I had a blood transfusion as a new born. I can't tell you how old I was when I found out or exactly how I found out. I did a lot, and I mean a lot of eavesdropping on my parents, so that could very well be how I found out that Aids was not just a disease plaguing homosexual men. I was on the list of people who were at risk. Donated blood wasn't screened the way it is today when I was born and so I was at risk. Even at sixteen I worried about having a shortened life.

I had the blood transfusion because I was very jaundice my parents have a blood incompatibility that had something to do with it. The story that I was told was that I had a tube put right into my heart when I was only a few days old. I got new blood to help me live. That blood is likely the source of one of the great living nightmares of my young life. When living in American Fork my parents considered getting a horse. Like most children I loved horses. We went to meet a horse that my parents were considering purchasing and on the way home I was looking out the window and rubbing my eyes. It wasn't me who sounded the alarm, maybe Adam was the one who called to my parents at the front of the station wagon. I remember someone yelling that their was something wrong with me and crawling to the front of the wagon to sit between my parents on the front seat (their were no air bags and no restrictions on children in the front. In fact their were no seat belt laws either.) my mother was very concerned. No one let me look at myself but I was later told that my eyes were almost swollen shut and I was covered in hives. I was allergic to horses and so became the ruin of the whole families hopes of getting a pet horse. I felt responsible and guilty in my adolescent world it was a true tragedy.

Me Kindergaten 1980

 In kindergarten my class got to go on a field trip to a farm. My mother had given me quit the lecture about not petting any animals especially the horses. That day was amazing. I got to see a cow give birth and I thought it was so cool. The temptation to pet the animals weighed heavily on me. I made the very conscious decision to disobey, fully knowing what the consequence would be and deciding that it was worth it. I remember the exact moment when I made my choice and walked forward to pet the beautiful horse. The thing I did not anticipate was the reaction of the parent helpers who had accompanied the class. I was pretty swollen and covered in hives by the time we got back to school and there was a lot of pity whispers and staring. Honestly that was the worst part. I knew the deformities were coming but had no idea I would be treated like Quasimodo. It was likely my first taste of harmful and inappropriate shame unintentionally inflicted as it was, it still was.

Then there was my worst Birthday ever. I had invited my entire class and only three people came.( I think I was in 3rd grade) It hailed that day and was likely the reason but I didn't connect the two things and so began to believe I was not well liked. My genie pig died and my neighbor had given me a bird that was dead the next morning. My Birthday fell on a Friday that year and I was born on the 13th so, ( I had been told that I was born on a Friday and lived and so Friday the 13th would therefore be a lucky day for me.) the proof won out. Clearly I was a very unlucky sort. My blood had to be replaced shortly after my birth, I was allergic to my favorite animal and now the second Friday birthday of my life all my pets died. Superstition was born!

My greatest fear as a child was being kidnapped. The idea of being ripped away from my family or having to get away from bad guys was really scary. Still is! I had begged to see the movie, 'Savanna Smiles' (1982) a film about a little girl who accidentally gets kidnapped. Finally my parents took us all to see it but, it was the drive in and I fell asleep. Movies didn't come out at red box when I was a kid and they didn't have net flicks or any of that. I remember when video tapes came out (VHS) I also remember how cool it was to go to the store and pick a movie. We would have to rent the video player to hook up to our TV to watch the video. I was 9 or so when we bought our first video player machine. So it took years before I got to see the movie, Savanna Smiles. It was a film about a little girl who has to get away from bad guys but they make it seem sweet and she isn't harmed. It would be the band aid to my very real fear of being taken. I would also decide that my first baby girl would be named Savanna. Later when the mini series North and South (staring Patric Swayze) came out, Constance would become my favorite name for a girl. She was a beautiful strong and brave character. I wanted to be beautiful and brave when I grew up just like her.

Harris Family 1982 Warren, Dad, Darin, Mom, Mandy, Corby, Ethan, Adam, and Me.

Back to Work After Almost 18 Years

Friday Todd did the taxes and delivered the worst ever news, we owe! We realigned our finances last year to make the budget work with his new job. We thought we had paid all that we would need too. We were wrong. We owe more than I can earn working part time in one year. It's a devastating amount for our family. A feeling of peace came over me and Todd as well. We have said, "I love you!" more than usual and been more capable of accepting this mess then ever before. Are we just getting used to getting the shaft in life or are we growing some kind of awesome faith. I like to think it's the latter and I have proof.

First of all how could I ever feel like I got the shaft, money is a large aspect of running a family and we are always squeezing dollars out of dimes but this family has not gone through a divorce we have had no medical crisis and we have this amazing house that we love and sometimes love to hate. We have more everyday happy than we could ever wish for. I am happy for other people to, the differences in our blessings and life styles doesn't challenge me or push me to draw unhealthy comparisons like it did when I was in my twenties. One of the many reasons that getting older is the best!

It's just got to be faith. Saturday I got to go and see a most beloved cousin sealed to her husband. They have a combined family his three her two and now one together. A sweet reminder that the greatest blessings in life come from being in families. I had been preparing a primary sharing time on Heavenly Father's plan of happiness with a focus on the fact that we are his spirit children. As I pondered this all week the joy of it really filled me. Sunday was fast Sunday and we fasted for help to find solutions to our current financial situation. I shared in church (testimony meeting) the joy of seeing this beautiful family sealed and a little about one of my best friends and her families sealing, the joy of the Plan of Salvation and how wonderful it is. The plans I make are never going how I think they will. God's plan is rock solid. Whether we believe in it or not it just is. I believe that sharing increases my faith and it did. I have this growing confidence in and for God that if I am doing my best and striving he will bless me. The blessings are not what I order up they are almost never what I think they will be but they come. We have learned to count on it.

Monday we got to work looking for answers. We applied for a loan to pay the taxes. The loan officer told me about a waiver we could try to get that she wasn't sure they even give anymore it would allow us to put the full amount of what we owe in the loan at a great interest rate and term. I put together my resume and applied for a few little jobs one 12 hr a week maintenance job that I was sure would be perfect. Todd applied for a few jobs as well. I raked over our budget and sighed at the thought of more cuts. We decided to sell our large SUV and camper/trailer and get a mini van, that will buy down some of our debt and we will spend less money on gas each month. I dished out bad news to the kids. Sharp will have to use his lawn care money to pay for football ($250.00) and Audrie who is already paying most of her way in life will not have a car to drive next year. The old beater truck Steve has been driving will have to be sold. Funny Audrie was really looking forward to driving that thing, I found that surprising. Last week I visited with a old college roommate who presented the idea that turning more financial responsibility over to your children is a gift and teaching tool. For us it hasn't been a choice we have had to do it. Having her present it that way made what in the past has been tearfully painful so much easier. On Monday night Audrie suggested that I apply for a lunch lady job. I did so on Tuesday morning believing that the hours would be impossible and the money not worth the work. I got a call later that day for a interview. The hours were perfect I would leave half hour after putting the kids on the bus and be home two and a half hours before they get home. We talked it over and figured I would take the job even if the money was lousy the hours were just to perfect. The interview was more of a orientation and the pay was 2.50 more per hour than I thought. Later in the day my friend who I had mentioned in my testimony and had been thinking about called with some last minute tickets to see a show at the play house where her daughter works and within thirty minutes we were on a double date with dear friends. In the middle of the rush to get out the door I got a call from the loan officer, we got the waiver and approved for the loan.

This morning I was thinking about working. I don't feel bad about it. We prayed about it last night and the night before. This is all right. Things are going to be all right. They are not what we had pictured or planned but it's all working out and it's going to be okay. Last night my friend shared a great story about fasting and answered prayers and I realized that our fasting and prayer has also brought on a little miracle for our family. Our problems didn't go away but solutions came together with record speed.

I told the primary children on Sunday about how we all shouted for joy in the premortal world  (Job38:4,7) when Heavenly Father told us about his plan and making this world for us. I am full of that joy being alive and mortal and challenged and growing it's a great and wonderful thing worth celebrating.