How The Harvest Party Came To Be

In January 2012 we sold what we had thought was our dream home and bought a unique house. It was and is a fixer upper. But it had a few things we had always wanted, most importantly land. Our acre was zoned agricultural, we got chickens in the spring and talked a lot about growing a big garden and doing a little fruit and veggie stand for the kids.

Things had been rocky with the restaurant Todd was running. Olive Garden in Sugar House Utah was once a fabulous strong business, bonuses were good and Todd was training all the newly hired managers that would be working in Utah. At one time he was in serious running for the General Manager of the Year award. With a few new Olive Garden's opening on the west side of town his location was suffering. Corporations see what they want to see. Two weeks before Christmas of that year he lost his job. We were devastated the plan was always to retire from this fabulous company. Losing employment took it's toll on our family in so many good ways. First of all it was and still is a trial of our Faith. Todd quickly got work as a manager at Chili's but his salary was significantly lower. Lots of things have happened since, that have lead him to believe that he should open his own restaurant, but that is a story for another day. We had to turn over a lot of the expenses we had always covered to our teenagers. Our children have learned to value a dollar in ways that they never other wise would have, that has been a huge blessing to them.
As is often the case we knew months ahead that Todd would likely lose his job. Unattainable goals were placed on him and it was just a matter of time. I wanted to work. If I got employment I could start saving for the anticipated job loss. We prayed about it and the answer was no.  In General Conference the announcement was made that young men could go on missions at age 18. I knew instantly that Stephen would want to go, he was a Junior in High School, so that gave him a year and a half to be ready. I was once again praying about getting a job. I got up early to go for a run. This is often a time of pondering and revelation for me. I came home from running and told Todd that again the answer to my prayer was no, he had already told me it would be. The feeling I did get was, "Grow a garden!" I didn't see at that point how it was the answer to my dilemma and we laughed about it.  The inspiration was pressing enough that we discussed where the best place to put this garden would be. The space had five large pine trees growing in it that would need to be removed.

The space on the south side of our drive way.

We were living very frugally because of the anticipated unemployment. We couldn't justify paying someone to come fall the trees. I had noticed while running that lots of neighbors had piles of clippings from their yards piled up, I realized that the neighborhood clean up dumpsters were likely coming soon. So I called the city to find out when they would be coming. The answer was that day. The dumpsters would be dropped of and picked up the next morning. We had one day to fall 5 huge trees and haul them to the dumpsters. Todd miraculously had the day off. My parents were visiting with their RV so I ran out to see if my Dad was available to help.He was on the phone with my little brother Darin who had experience falling trees and enjoys doing so. He is a school teacher and just happened to have the day off. So within the hour three men with three chain saws were working away in my yard. In no time three became four when our neighbor Brother Angell came and joined them.

Church members who drove by or were working on their yards saw what was up and by the end of the day we had an army of loving friends and family helping us haul away the trees. Bro. Angell mentioned that another neighbor and church member living around the corner(Bro.Bruce Fuller) owned a back hoe for his business and would likely come and get the stumps out for us.

There was never a need for us to ask because he came by and told Todd to call blue stakes because he was going to come and get those stumps pulled up for us in a couple of days. By the end of the day we had a huge pile of fire wood and the trees were gone. For days I cried tears of gratitude for my loving neighbors and friends. Tears of gratitude still fall now when I think about it. We had only lived here for nine months.  People didn't know us very well and very few knew what our work situation was. Some may call that day lucky but I think it was inspired.

Orem 2003

 I have been repeatedly challenged to trust God's timing in my life. I wish I could say I was getting good at it. I obey but I complain about it. I didn't get a job. We prepared to create a garden in the spring. We weren't really sure what the garden was going to be. In July the zoning had changed and we would not be able to have a fruit stand. I thought often about joining a farmers market. but that would mean missing most of Sharp's football games and the idea of missing them broke my heart. Early in our marriage when growing our first garden we had planted 7 pumpkin plants to cover a slope that we didn't want to weed. The result was a large number of pumpkins which we had let our little children sell at a lemonade type stand close to our home. It was a huge success and they all enjoyed having the money for Christmas shopping.

 Orem 2003

The memory of that came to my recollection and we began to discuss pumpkins. We could grow pumpkins. I thought I could fill the truck and sell them on the side of the road after football games on Saturdays. I thought that would work but then the fun of choosing the pumpkin from the patch would be eliminated. I had learned from starting my little egg business that I couldn't place a sign in my window or yard to sell eggs because of the zoning change. So I couldn't place a sign for the pumpkins either. This is when the idea of the Harvest Party was born. We would sell the pumpkins at a private party. We would invite friends and allow friends to invite their friends to the party. Then we started talking about how many of our friends already grow pumpkins in their own gardens, they wouldn't want to buy our pumpkins but would likely want to come support us. So we decide to make scones, navajo tacos and have some carnival type games, we would hold the party to raise the money for Steve's mission. I felt pressed to work primarily because I wanted to help Steve go on his mission at 18 when he wanted to. I didn't want him to have to work for a year before leaving just to be able to go. And because he earned a scholarship he wouldn't be able to defer for that long anyway. We are a family of self reliance we want to do all that we can do. I had beat my head against a wall because for me doing all that I could do meant getting a job, but every time I prayed about it the answer was no. I couldn't understand why Heavenly Father wouldn't want me to be self reliant. But in the end he created a way for us to earn the needed money as a family and instill in our children so many wonderful values about work and loyalty. Heavenly Father really has better plans for us than we could ever make for our selves and he will always answer our righteous desires. I did end up getting a job in the spring of 2014, for reasons I wouldn't have foreseen, but that to is another story.
 Right before our first Harvest Party last year a sister from my ward came to me and offered to pay a quarter of the cost of Steve's mission. I explained to her that we wanted to earn the money to pay for him to serve. She lovingly taught me a lesson in humility and shared the story of how her mission was funded. We also talked about my situation wanting to be a stay at home mom but feeling like I needed to work. She was someone who was always a working mother. We had a fabulous conversation about that topic. I accepted her offer and Steve was delighted. If we held a Harvest Party every year and made the same amount that we made at our 2013 party along with what Steve saved and with this sweet sister's contribution we would be able to cover the cost of his mission. He would be able to go at 18. Steve had his mission papers sent and received his call before he graduated in June. He will be serving in the Chile Rancagua mission. He reports to the Chile mission training center on October 22nd. He has a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and will be an excellent missionary. This coming Friday we will hold our second Harvest Party and we feel thankful as a family to be able to support him in his desire to serve.

A church member gave us 6 dump truck loads of manure.

We planted seeds for family night.

Our patch at the end of August.

The end of September we were ready to harvest.

2013 We had a great party!

We got more than pumpkins from our garden.

Shame is The Enemy

I stopped blogging. In April I got heartbreaking news and I just couldn't write. No one called me to say someone died. I didn't have a police officer on my door step telling me someone was in a terrible car accident and I didn't sit in a Doctors office and find out someone in the family was ill. My shattering news was not the kind we share. I am and always have been a very open person. I don't keep secrets, I am very comfortable with who I am and willing to share just about anything about my life for the most part that has always been okay. This day this awful day in April I was not okay and I felt a overwhelming amount of shame. My single most important job, my dream job, my duty and responsibility as a Mother....I had failed utterly. One of my children had been hurt in a way that no child ever should be. I had failed to protect my child, to keep them safe. My single most sacred duty as a Mother and I failed. Now what? A child doesn't understand these things they don't understand how they will be affected in the future. What could I possibly do. To make matters worse my enemy the person I should hate is someone I also love. My foster son was the perpetrator. I lost my son.

I have no doubt that God loves me! He is a tangible being, he exists! I know it! I had so many hard conversations the day I found out. My Jessica (foster daughter 28 married with three kids.) called me and told me she was worried about Cameron (her biological brother and my foster son also married but separated and caring for his step son.) She had been tending his step son and there was some concerning behavior that led her to believe that Cameron may be molesting his step son. A gray feeling washed over me I knew her concerns were valid and I gasped as I realized that my own children and hers could have been preyed upon. Later in the day I asked one of my children if they were afraid of Cameron. The answer was affirmative and... devastating! How did I stay calm. How did I call Cameron and tell him that I loved him and that I wanted to help him and that I wanted him to get help. He denied it all. I told him that I had to believe my child. He said of course you do. It was a peaceful loving conversation. How did I do that, how did I have that conversation. Then there was Todd (my husband). I had to tell Todd. He held me in his arms while I cried really cried for the first time. I had cried a little when speaking to the law officer earlier. It was important to act fast as Cameron was living out of his car and could easily disappear with his step son. He was found that night and the child was taken into protective custody. Later I would listen to Jessica sob and apologize for bringing her brother into our lives. I would sit that evening with Todd and our child. We would talk about it, what had happened, what was going to happen and I would be strong. How did I do it. How did I survive that awful day. There is only one explanation, God my Heavenly Father helped me get through that day. My Savior died for not only my sins but my pain and I felt the gift of his love, mercy and grace.

Audrie and Tyler

One week prior to all of this I had sat in Church listening to a beautiful song, 'I know that My Redeemer Lives'. I felt strongly that it was the song that should be sung at Cael's upcoming baptism. I also felt impressed to ask Audrie (Sophomore in High school) if she would sing the song with her sweet heart at the time, Tyler. She didn't want to ask him to sing with her and I told her I know it's uncomfortable but I just know it is what is supposed to happen. The two of them practiced the song together in our front room the following week. I listened to them practice after that awful day and then I knew exactly why they needed to sing that song. If I had asked anyone else to sing they wouldn't have practiced at our house with our out-of-tune piano. Tyler played the guitar and the two of them practiced after school and my home was filled with that comforting music a prayer of gratitude that our family so needed.

My Mother once pointed out to me that it is Satan that taught man shame. We were in the celestial room of the temple when she told me that. Shame is the enemy. It was shame that I was and am still battling today. How could I not have known. How could I have failed so miserably. I was so ashamed. I would find myself in a place called 'The Children's Justice Center' sitting in a room while my child was interviewed and recorded by a detective. I would sit with a councilor and talk about my feelings and how I was handling the situation. Then visiting with the detective who told me it was an incredibly smooth interview. This came as no surprise my child is strong, honest, brave and a person who understands that they are a child of God and that with that understanding doing the right thing is a must and blessings come when we do. This was their opportunity to take something bad that happened to them and do something good with it. Help protect another child.

I have been privately in mourning since that day. On a couple of occasions I have found myself in tears. Something someone says or does awakens the ache in my heart. I have had a few special conversations with sweet friends. One particular friend who can relate to how I feel and those conversations help me to heal. I go forward knowing that I have a lost boy, now man out in the world who is truly lost and I pray that help will come for him and that he will remember the last words I will likely ever say to him, "I love you". One of the most miraculous things about this whole thing is that I do love Cameron. I hurt for him. I hope for him. I can't believe that I don't hate him, but I don't. He won't be a part of our lives again. I write this in my blog first because it is part of my story but more importantly because there are people who know Cameron because they knew me and they should know that he is not safe and shouldn't be trusted.

Jessica and her beautiful family.

 As for my kids. Jessica is still struggling and healing. She said to me in one of our conversations how wonderful it was that I believed my child because no one, not even her biological mother believed her as a child. She really is such a wonderful mother and I see her healing from her childhood wounds and am so thankful to be a part of her support system. So much joy has come into my life because I am a foster parent. I refuse to regret bringing her and her brother into my home. So much learning, love and joy have come from it. I have my first three grandchildren and they are beautiful!

I will have concern for my child as they grow into adulthood, will this be a haunting memory that is revisited, very likely the answer is yes. I hope with all my heart that they marry a loving companion who can help them work through any pain that is carried. I have faith that they will.

I continue to work on forgiving myself. The tapestry of my life has so many layers and so many people woven into it. There is a weak spot in the cloth right now and I am working hard to mend it. People sometimes only see one of the colors of my tapestry or a section. Unknowingly there have been kind people who have said the absolutely wrong things to me at the wrong time and have fed the beast of shame. If you are reading this and think you may be one of them please know it is okay. This is my refiner's fire. I am learning and growing and it hurts terribly but I know it is for the best.  My Dad taught me very young not to pass judgement to quickly because you just don't see and can't see someone's whole story. This post this whole blog is just a little glimpse of my story from my perspective and I share it with hope and faith in my heart that those who read it do so lovingly.