How The Harvest Party Came To Be

In January 2012 we sold what we had thought was our dream home and bought a unique house. It was and is a fixer upper. But it had a few things we had always wanted, most importantly land. Our acre was zoned agricultural, we got chickens in the spring and talked a lot about growing a big garden and doing a little fruit and veggie stand for the kids.

Things had been rocky with the restaurant Todd was running. Olive Garden in Sugar House Utah was once a fabulous strong business, bonuses were good and Todd was training all the newly hired managers that would be working in Utah. At one time he was in serious running for the General Manager of the Year award. With a few new Olive Garden's opening on the west side of town his location was suffering. Corporations see what they want to see. Two weeks before Christmas of that year he lost his job. We were devastated the plan was always to retire from this fabulous company. Losing employment took it's toll on our family in so many good ways. First of all it was and still is a trial of our Faith. Todd quickly got work as a manager at Chili's but his salary was significantly lower. Lots of things have happened since, that have lead him to believe that he should open his own restaurant, but that is a story for another day. We had to turn over a lot of the expenses we had always covered to our teenagers. Our children have learned to value a dollar in ways that they never other wise would have, that has been a huge blessing to them.
As is often the case we knew months ahead that Todd would likely lose his job. Unattainable goals were placed on him and it was just a matter of time. I wanted to work. If I got employment I could start saving for the anticipated job loss. We prayed about it and the answer was no.  In General Conference the announcement was made that young men could go on missions at age 18. I knew instantly that Stephen would want to go, he was a Junior in High School, so that gave him a year and a half to be ready. I was once again praying about getting a job. I got up early to go for a run. This is often a time of pondering and revelation for me. I came home from running and told Todd that again the answer to my prayer was no, he had already told me it would be. The feeling I did get was, "Grow a garden!" I didn't see at that point how it was the answer to my dilemma and we laughed about it.  The inspiration was pressing enough that we discussed where the best place to put this garden would be. The space had five large pine trees growing in it that would need to be removed.

The space on the south side of our drive way.

We were living very frugally because of the anticipated unemployment. We couldn't justify paying someone to come fall the trees. I had noticed while running that lots of neighbors had piles of clippings from their yards piled up, I realized that the neighborhood clean up dumpsters were likely coming soon. So I called the city to find out when they would be coming. The answer was that day. The dumpsters would be dropped of and picked up the next morning. We had one day to fall 5 huge trees and haul them to the dumpsters. Todd miraculously had the day off. My parents were visiting with their RV so I ran out to see if my Dad was available to help.He was on the phone with my little brother Darin who had experience falling trees and enjoys doing so. He is a school teacher and just happened to have the day off. So within the hour three men with three chain saws were working away in my yard. In no time three became four when our neighbor Brother Angell came and joined them.

Church members who drove by or were working on their yards saw what was up and by the end of the day we had an army of loving friends and family helping us haul away the trees. Bro. Angell mentioned that another neighbor and church member living around the corner(Bro.Bruce Fuller) owned a back hoe for his business and would likely come and get the stumps out for us.

There was never a need for us to ask because he came by and told Todd to call blue stakes because he was going to come and get those stumps pulled up for us in a couple of days. By the end of the day we had a huge pile of fire wood and the trees were gone. For days I cried tears of gratitude for my loving neighbors and friends. Tears of gratitude still fall now when I think about it. We had only lived here for nine months.  People didn't know us very well and very few knew what our work situation was. Some may call that day lucky but I think it was inspired.

Orem 2003

 I have been repeatedly challenged to trust God's timing in my life. I wish I could say I was getting good at it. I obey but I complain about it. I didn't get a job. We prepared to create a garden in the spring. We weren't really sure what the garden was going to be. In July the zoning had changed and we would not be able to have a fruit stand. I thought often about joining a farmers market. but that would mean missing most of Sharp's football games and the idea of missing them broke my heart. Early in our marriage when growing our first garden we had planted 7 pumpkin plants to cover a slope that we didn't want to weed. The result was a large number of pumpkins which we had let our little children sell at a lemonade type stand close to our home. It was a huge success and they all enjoyed having the money for Christmas shopping.

 Orem 2003

The memory of that came to my recollection and we began to discuss pumpkins. We could grow pumpkins. I thought I could fill the truck and sell them on the side of the road after football games on Saturdays. I thought that would work but then the fun of choosing the pumpkin from the patch would be eliminated. I had learned from starting my little egg business that I couldn't place a sign in my window or yard to sell eggs because of the zoning change. So I couldn't place a sign for the pumpkins either. This is when the idea of the Harvest Party was born. We would sell the pumpkins at a private party. We would invite friends and allow friends to invite their friends to the party. Then we started talking about how many of our friends already grow pumpkins in their own gardens, they wouldn't want to buy our pumpkins but would likely want to come support us. So we decide to make scones, navajo tacos and have some carnival type games, we would hold the party to raise the money for Steve's mission. I felt pressed to work primarily because I wanted to help Steve go on his mission at 18 when he wanted to. I didn't want him to have to work for a year before leaving just to be able to go. And because he earned a scholarship he wouldn't be able to defer for that long anyway. We are a family of self reliance we want to do all that we can do. I had beat my head against a wall because for me doing all that I could do meant getting a job, but every time I prayed about it the answer was no. I couldn't understand why Heavenly Father wouldn't want me to be self reliant. But in the end he created a way for us to earn the needed money as a family and instill in our children so many wonderful values about work and loyalty. Heavenly Father really has better plans for us than we could ever make for our selves and he will always answer our righteous desires. I did end up getting a job in the spring of 2014, for reasons I wouldn't have foreseen, but that to is another story.
 Right before our first Harvest Party last year a sister from my ward came to me and offered to pay a quarter of the cost of Steve's mission. I explained to her that we wanted to earn the money to pay for him to serve. She lovingly taught me a lesson in humility and shared the story of how her mission was funded. We also talked about my situation wanting to be a stay at home mom but feeling like I needed to work. She was someone who was always a working mother. We had a fabulous conversation about that topic. I accepted her offer and Steve was delighted. If we held a Harvest Party every year and made the same amount that we made at our 2013 party along with what Steve saved and with this sweet sister's contribution we would be able to cover the cost of his mission. He would be able to go at 18. Steve had his mission papers sent and received his call before he graduated in June. He will be serving in the Chile Rancagua mission. He reports to the Chile mission training center on October 22nd. He has a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and will be an excellent missionary. This coming Friday we will hold our second Harvest Party and we feel thankful as a family to be able to support him in his desire to serve.

A church member gave us 6 dump truck loads of manure.

We planted seeds for family night.

Our patch at the end of August.

The end of September we were ready to harvest.

2013 We had a great party!

We got more than pumpkins from our garden.

Shame is The Enemy

I stopped blogging. In April I got heartbreaking news and I just couldn't write. No one called me to say someone died. I didn't have a police officer on my door step telling me someone was in a terrible car accident and I didn't sit in a Doctors office and find out someone in the family was ill. My shattering news was not the kind we share. I am and always have been a very open person. I don't keep secrets, I am very comfortable with who I am and willing to share just about anything about my life for the most part that has always been okay. This day this awful day in April I was not okay and I felt a overwhelming amount of shame. My single most important job, my dream job, my duty and responsibility as a Mother....I had failed utterly. One of my children had been hurt in a way that no child ever should be. I had failed to protect my child, to keep them safe. My single most sacred duty as a Mother and I failed. Now what? A child doesn't understand these things they don't understand how they will be affected in the future. What could I possibly do. To make matters worse my enemy the person I should hate is someone I also love. My foster son was the perpetrator. I lost my son.

I have no doubt that God loves me! He is a tangible being, he exists! I know it! I had so many hard conversations the day I found out. My Jessica (foster daughter 28 married with three kids.) called me and told me she was worried about Cameron (her biological brother and my foster son also married but separated and caring for his step son.) She had been tending his step son and there was some concerning behavior that led her to believe that Cameron may be molesting his step son. A gray feeling washed over me I knew her concerns were valid and I gasped as I realized that my own children and hers could have been preyed upon. Later in the day I asked one of my children if they were afraid of Cameron. The answer was affirmative and... devastating! How did I stay calm. How did I call Cameron and tell him that I loved him and that I wanted to help him and that I wanted him to get help. He denied it all. I told him that I had to believe my child. He said of course you do. It was a peaceful loving conversation. How did I do that, how did I have that conversation. Then there was Todd (my husband). I had to tell Todd. He held me in his arms while I cried really cried for the first time. I had cried a little when speaking to the law officer earlier. It was important to act fast as Cameron was living out of his car and could easily disappear with his step son. He was found that night and the child was taken into protective custody. Later I would listen to Jessica sob and apologize for bringing her brother into our lives. I would sit that evening with Todd and our child. We would talk about it, what had happened, what was going to happen and I would be strong. How did I do it. How did I survive that awful day. There is only one explanation, God my Heavenly Father helped me get through that day. My Savior died for not only my sins but my pain and I felt the gift of his love, mercy and grace.

Audrie and Tyler

One week prior to all of this I had sat in Church listening to a beautiful song, 'I know that My Redeemer Lives'. I felt strongly that it was the song that should be sung at Cael's upcoming baptism. I also felt impressed to ask Audrie (Sophomore in High school) if she would sing the song with her sweet heart at the time, Tyler. She didn't want to ask him to sing with her and I told her I know it's uncomfortable but I just know it is what is supposed to happen. The two of them practiced the song together in our front room the following week. I listened to them practice after that awful day and then I knew exactly why they needed to sing that song. If I had asked anyone else to sing they wouldn't have practiced at our house with our out-of-tune piano. Tyler played the guitar and the two of them practiced after school and my home was filled with that comforting music a prayer of gratitude that our family so needed.

My Mother once pointed out to me that it is Satan that taught man shame. We were in the celestial room of the temple when she told me that. Shame is the enemy. It was shame that I was and am still battling today. How could I not have known. How could I have failed so miserably. I was so ashamed. I would find myself in a place called 'The Children's Justice Center' sitting in a room while my child was interviewed and recorded by a detective. I would sit with a councilor and talk about my feelings and how I was handling the situation. Then visiting with the detective who told me it was an incredibly smooth interview. This came as no surprise my child is strong, honest, brave and a person who understands that they are a child of God and that with that understanding doing the right thing is a must and blessings come when we do. This was their opportunity to take something bad that happened to them and do something good with it. Help protect another child.

I have been privately in mourning since that day. On a couple of occasions I have found myself in tears. Something someone says or does awakens the ache in my heart. I have had a few special conversations with sweet friends. One particular friend who can relate to how I feel and those conversations help me to heal. I go forward knowing that I have a lost boy, now man out in the world who is truly lost and I pray that help will come for him and that he will remember the last words I will likely ever say to him, "I love you". One of the most miraculous things about this whole thing is that I do love Cameron. I hurt for him. I hope for him. I can't believe that I don't hate him, but I don't. He won't be a part of our lives again. I write this in my blog first because it is part of my story but more importantly because there are people who know Cameron because they knew me and they should know that he is not safe and shouldn't be trusted.

Jessica and her beautiful family.

 As for my kids. Jessica is still struggling and healing. She said to me in one of our conversations how wonderful it was that I believed my child because no one, not even her biological mother believed her as a child. She really is such a wonderful mother and I see her healing from her childhood wounds and am so thankful to be a part of her support system. So much joy has come into my life because I am a foster parent. I refuse to regret bringing her and her brother into my home. So much learning, love and joy have come from it. I have my first three grandchildren and they are beautiful!

I will have concern for my child as they grow into adulthood, will this be a haunting memory that is revisited, very likely the answer is yes. I hope with all my heart that they marry a loving companion who can help them work through any pain that is carried. I have faith that they will.

I continue to work on forgiving myself. The tapestry of my life has so many layers and so many people woven into it. There is a weak spot in the cloth right now and I am working hard to mend it. People sometimes only see one of the colors of my tapestry or a section. Unknowingly there have been kind people who have said the absolutely wrong things to me at the wrong time and have fed the beast of shame. If you are reading this and think you may be one of them please know it is okay. This is my refiner's fire. I am learning and growing and it hurts terribly but I know it is for the best.  My Dad taught me very young not to pass judgement to quickly because you just don't see and can't see someone's whole story. This post this whole blog is just a little glimpse of my story from my perspective and I share it with hope and faith in my heart that those who read it do so lovingly.

Back To School

Elder Johnson,

 It's wonderful to hear you have not lost your zeal! I love how energized you are. Life here is pretty much the same. I am still folding laundry on my bed while Audrie lays on the other side yacking away about boys. School has started it was strange to get all the kids but one off to school and then to be heading out the door for work with one still in bed calling out to me to have a nice day at work. A strange role reversal there for me.

 Steve is Steve, he still loves to argue with me, since the pool is now closed I have put him in charge of the chickens eggs, feed, cleaning the coop, all of it. He also walks and brushes Lady. I know how you must miss our dog ;) We have had more rain and thunder storms than normal for August so our sweet Lady is always freaking out. You'd love it!!!

 I don't know if Steve told you that he totaled my little black Honda. Yep no more driving for Steve. He actually got in two accidents that day one of his traditional parking lot bang ups and then one on Redwood Rd. he didn't get a ticket, whatever that is supposed to prove.

I am enjoying working in the lunch room at Taylorsville. I especially enjoy the kids that come in and freak out because I am there. I know you would have been one of those if I had been there last year. There are a few who clearly don't want me to acknowledge knowing them so I just smile. With the exception of Tyler Breinholt who I enjoyed making a fuss over because I could tell he wanted to pretend he didn't know me. So that was fun!!!

Audrie is more boy crazy then ever. She is being a bit of a smoochy face.

Football has started and both Cael and Sharp are playing. I thought Cael would be a whiner about it but so far he is liking it. He lost his first game and as he came in the house he passed Lily and asked, "Who do you think won my game?" She said she didn't know and with a relaxed heave of his shoulders he said, "Not me!" and walked on by like it was no big thing. I had asked him on the way home if he had fun and he said yes so it looks like that is going to be okay.

Lots of us got to go see 'Wicked'. I have wanted to see it for years but you know $$$$$$. Well we found out that two hours before the show they do a drawing and 10 people can buy a set of tickets for 50 dollars. So we went every day of the last week sometime we won sometimes not. Grace, Audrie, Steve and I all got to go. Not at the same time. Well Steve went with Grace it was a brother sister date AWE right! So that was a fun way to wrap up summer break.

I did sharing time in Primary this month. My lessons were on Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy, Family Prayer, Scripture Study and Family Home Evening. As a family you know that we try to do all these things but consistency is a struggle especially in the summer. No routine you know. As mundane as they can feel and I am sure you can relate to that, routine is an important part of becoming. I am thankful for the challenge that it is to keep to a routine and for the growth I see in my family and myself when we do. I love that the Gospel asks so much of us. The challenge is what keeps me going, striving and reaching and then looking on to what more I can do to improve. I am more like a wavy line lots of ups and downs but the wavy line is still in an upward incline and as long as it is I find peace in my imperfection because I know that God knows I am doing my best and he accepts that BEST and makes it perfect. I love this Gospel and YOU! -Trea

First Day of School!

Boys! Boys! Boys!

Shaun Haney was the boy across the street and our story could have been told on a show like the 'Wonder Years'. He was the first boy I ever held hands with. We liked each other in 5th grade and everyone knew because we were square dancing partners. Their was a segment in Gym class for square dancing and you had to choose a partner for the entire segment. Shaun was mine in 5th grade but not 6th I made the huge mistake of accepting another boy as partner in 6th grade which I am sure hurt Shaun's feelings. My teacher even told me I had done better with my partner(Shaun) the previous year. I guess by spring Shaun had forgiven me and we were back in 'like' again because we held hands during a movie at outdoor education. (Outdoor education was a special school camping trip.) I hated that we had become the talk of the 6th grade. The news about our hand holding spread like crazy. Shaun was more of a friend than a boyfriend. He was a genuinely kind person. That said there was the time my sister tied me to the light post on the corner of our street. She left me there for a long time. Shaun road his bike past and didn't save me so there is that. But over all nice boy.

In seventh grade a boy passed me a note in math class asking me if I would be his girl friend. I did have a crush on him and so said yes. He met me at my locker at the end of the day and kissed me. This was not what I thought it would be. He stuck his tounge in my mouth and I didn't like it. I decided I would let it go but he did it again the next day. So the day after that I wrote him a note and told him I didn't want to, "Go Out" with him anymore.

Troy, Andrew and Kendra

I would say my first real boyfriend was Andrew Henry. In 8th grade I was kind of having a do over. My best friend from 7th grade had moved away. A girl who lived accross the street from me took her place, Kendra. She had invited me to go to a movie with some of her friends. She was in 7th grade and being the cool 8th grader that I was and trying to come out of my shy shell, I made fun of all of them the whole night. I had ruined everything. I was rude and all those fun kids were going to have nothing to do with me.

A day or two later I found out that Andrew one of the boys who had been there had a little crush on me. This astonished his friends including Kendra who openly told me I had been pretty rude teasing to much. It just so happened that Kendra's boyfriend was Andrew's best friend Troy. They both lived very close to each other as well. The two of them lived on the other side of the park. So Andrew and I got thrown together a lot because our best friends were a couple.

Kendra and Troy

It didn't take long before we became couples. The shocker came when I realized that I had stolen my friends boyfriend. I was the captain of the cheerleaders and Angie who I was getting to know pretty well was my co-captain.

Angie

She was fun and we got along well. She had told me about her boyfriend and I didn't realize that her boyfriend and my crush were one in the same.We did the dramatic back and forth I would break up with him and he would go back to Angie and then they would break up and we would get back together. It was dramatic hurtful and really really not age appropriate. When Andrew was with Angie I would 'Go Out' with one of his friends. There was a pretty tight group of 7th grade friends, because of Facebook I know that they are still tight. I kissed lots of them. I guess you could say I had my wild days in Junior High rather than High School. (Wild in LDS terms that is.) In the end Andrew, Kendra, Troy and I spent the summer before my 9th grade year together. Andrew and I agreed that when school started we would both move on. The four of us had a fun and memorable summer.

Troy and I

Kendra and Troy ended up Married and are still happily married today. I think I can admit that Andrew was my first love, young as I was I think I really did love him. I still care about him and wish him happiness and well.

Troy, Sergio, Me, Steve above. Some of those fun 7th graders.

Dan was from a whole different friend group. We had a off and on again relationship. Once we even had a secret romance. We got caught kissing by one of our friends and so that came to an end. He was the funny life of the party guy and we became fast and easy friends. We played spoons and truth or dare, did a lot of sneaking out together with other friends late at night and did lots of silly stuff like steeling for sale signs out of peoples yards. We coped through the death of a friend together. Wesly Bennidct (Wes) had been a fun loving all around great guy he died in a car accident the summer before 9th grade. One night a bunch of us were out late walking the neighborhood and we decided that we wanted to make a memorial for Wes. He was a football player and so we decide to go put his name on the field. We ripped up the grass to spell his name. Really a silly thing to do but an overall harmless way to lean on each other and work through our pain. Dan would have been my boyfriend in 9th grade had it not been for my desire to be obedient to the guidelines of my church. I was taught that dating before the age of 16 was not appropriate. I embraced my religion that year. I had developed a strong personal relationship with God through personal prayer. Timing was terrible. Another girl had been liking Dan and the gossip was all about who he would end up with me or her. He basicly chose me only to find out that I would no longer be 'Going Out' with any one. He was hurt and long story short my 9th grade year at North East Junior High was a lonely one. I made friends with a couple of Mormon girls that lived south of Denver and I spent most weekends with them. School was just lonely and hard. I was an outcast by choice trying to figure out how to hold to my standards and stay friends with everyone. I guess that is something to be thankful for since that is also the year that everyone started finding ways to get alcohol to the parities. Today Dan is a distant facebook friend. He is openly Gay and looks to be in a loving long term relationship.

Uriah and I 1992

My focus became youth group and church dances.My friendships with Uriah Otting and Chris Aniscough became solid, fun guys from my church ward. I would meet boys from other cities at church dances and we would talk for hours on the phone. Everything got more wholesome in my social world. There would be no more sneaking out. I wouldn't be kissed again until I was 16 and old enough to date. I would make more friends through early morning seminary. (A daily Scripture Study class held before school at the church house) The transition was sweet, I avoided a lot of heart ache and got back some of my youth. Uriah would have a paint war with me while getting our special olympic booth ready. His Mom spent a great deal of loving time helping me get paint out of my hair. Chris made me a pair of boxer shorts. (Popular PJ attire we all wore over long underwear to seminary.) We would all gather and head to the drive in riding in the back of Chris' truck. We made lots of good memories and really grew to become dear friends. In high school we would all eat lunch together at the 'Mormon Table'. There were more boys than girls my age at church and so my friends were primarily boys. I would have crushes from time to time on both Chris and Uriah but nothing was ever acted on. Uriah and I stayed friends after I moved to Utah and still send Christmas cards to day he was and is a dear and true friend. I sometimes see satire of the religious kids in movies and TV shows and think yep I guess that was us without the ugly twists of course.

Lunch Lady

For two years I have waited on God trusting his timing for joining the work force. In every prayer I ever prayed about the topic there has been a underlying desire to be a 'Stay at Home Mom' that is what is in my heart. It's the Mormon girl dream. That said there have been countless times that I have apologized to Todd because I didn't have a talent to share that would bring in a little extra money. I envied the music lessons my friends could give or the preschools they ran. I have longed to contribute financially. Timing is everything and my life long goal is to learn to live on and accept God's timing.

This job, this lunch lady job is so perfectly suited for me. I still feel very much like a stay at home Mom. I am home when my children are home. (I do miss my time with Lily in the morning but remind myself that I only had a few more months of that anyway and I just hug her and tell her that I miss our mornings the same way I did when each of my other children began full days of school.) My work doesn't drain me of the much needed patience set aside for my children to use up. Rather it has given me structure, motivation, some sisterhood and more family support.

 I have a morning routine that is solid and I love a routine.  I was never very consistant about a morning routine as a mother so many times my children have gotten themselves ready and come to kiss me good bye in bed before heading out the door to school. I wish I could say that this only happened because I had been up all night with a baby but many many times it was because I had stayed up late with Todd watching a movie. Then it was simply because I could. Todd's rotating shifts have always been challenging for me. Keeping to a routine Monday through Friday when his days off often fall mid week and the late shifts mixed with the early shifts. When Todd married me I was a morning person who loved a strong morning routine. I am rediscovering that morning person, I wasn't sure she existed anymore. The only sad part is that I nod off at ten and poor Todd is left to finish what ever program or movie we've selected without me. We say our couple prayer before we turn on any entertainment now and I guess it doesn't bother him to much if I don't stay awake.

 I am more motivated to get things done when I get home because I have only a couple of hours before the children come home but also because I am more emotionally filled.  I eat lunch with 9 other ladies every day who are kind and want to get to know me. We work and visit for all but the half hour that we serve lunch to the students. I come home to find Todd has pitched in to help with the house work the way he did when we had babies. I hope he keeps it up. I thank him a lot so it's likely to continue. I can say to my kids you've got to be more helpful I work now and they do and are more helpful. I don't feel overburdened I feel relieved.

I don't feel robbed of anything. There have been and will be sacrifices but they have all been small. In fact lots of thing have played out very differently than they originally seemed. We found some tax write offs. Our pumpkin patch and egg business are two of the things we overlooked. So we won't owe quiet as much as we thought. We have settled into a rough budget that allows for some home improvements, that has always been a hobby Todd and I have enjoyed together so it's wonderful to be moving forward on some projects. We won't have to sell our travel trailer and we will be able to contribute to Steve's mission fund. So our fall fundraiser will be turned over to Audrie this year to run and decide on a non profit organization to donate too. She will use it as a Young Women Project. Then next year we will give it to Sharp and hopefully it will be his eagle project. I love family service projects and hope that this becomes a special family tradition. I am learning to be patient with God. His plan for my life is a good one and sometimes it looks messy but the pieces always come together over time and make sense.

In The Park ( Woodglen)

When I was in the 5th grade we moved from our home on Cyd Drive. There were a few strange things about moving. First the parents of a girl in my class were buying my house, that was so weird. I remember my parents talking in the front room to the owner and trying to negotiate a purchase. I also remember how excited they were when they found the house on Jackson Street. They were buying a house, we were buying a house and it was a big and exciting deal. Our Bishop had moved away and was called to be the Bishop in a new area we would be moving into this new area called, Woodglen.

Woodglen was Utopia. There was a huge park in the center of the community with a pond, playground, lots of ball fields, a trail big trees and a play ground. Woodglen Elementery was built right next to the park so again we could walk to school. Also there was a ditch. The ditch had a concrete bottom and was lined on each side with grass and large trees. It really was a well designed community and even as an adult I have not seen many subdivisions set up quite so lovely. My brothers would spend a lot of time catching crawdads in the ditch and pond. In the summer I would enjoy walking in the ditch to cool my feet with friends on the way over to the park. My family would live on Jackson St. until my Junior Year in High School. I claim that area as home, were I grew up. When I here Taylor Swift sing, "The house that built me" I think of the house on Jackson St. This is were I went from little girl to young woman and so many happy memories surround the beautiful community of Woodglen.

I would walk through the park to meet up with friends and boy friends who lived on the other side. So many soccer games would be enjoyed in that park. I would share my faith with my best friend Staci and kneel in prayer on a dusky spring evening in that park. My best friend Matt (he really should have been my boyfriend) would play me a song he wrote for me on his saxaphone in that park. I would kiss my first real boyfriend (Andrew) in that park and my second and third for that matter, lots of young and sweet kissing happened in that park. My cute little brothers with buckets full of crawdads and Sunday walks with my sister. Woodglen Park was like a family room in a toddlers world. I learned so much and enjoyed so much growing up in that beautiful park.

 I have to own that there are a few negative and very very sad things that happend while living their. Denver's Crips (blue) and Bloods (red) gangs. We lived about 45min North of Denver and all I knew about crips and bloods was that they were rival gangs that hated each other. Issues surounding what color you wear and what team your baseball hat displayed were things I started hearing about in Junior High. I thought of those kinds of things as distant big city problems. There was almost an incedent in the park, it was 1990 I was with my boyfriend, best friend and a group of other friends. A little boy was mouthing off to us and the boys in our group talked back. He said his brother was a, "Crip" and he was going to go tell him and they were going to come and get us. Andrew, my boyfriend had a big brother he was Corby's age, Travis, I can't remember why he was there but he was around. This old ugly blue van came roaring into the parking lot that we were all walking toward. All these really scary people got out and were coming to us. There were girls and boys all punked out with ratty hair and the girls didn't have much on. One of them had a chain and was holding it out in front of himself in this intimidating I'm coming for you kind of way. I really couldn't tell you what or if other wepons were being displayed but these people were clearly their to beat us up and they were walking toward us. Travis went running out in front of us and strarted debating and trying to reason with them that we were just a bunch of kids and to just leave. They kept walking toward us. I guess someone living in one of the houses must have seen the van speed by or something because we could suddenly hear police sirens and all those scary people turned around and ran back to their van and drove off. It was strange, scary and unforgettable.

The saddest event that touched my life in Woodglen was the murder of a boy my age Jason Trembath.(Oct. 10, 1992) We had gone to school together and I had a little crush on him early in Junior High. I kissed him once at a silly end of school party (7th grade) on a dare sort of thing but I really did like him. I remember wishing that we had left that party together because the party turned a negative kind of silly and a lot of dumb stuff happened. We were both shy, too shy. He was a blond blue eyed sweet boy. The kind of kid who got good grades, played baseball and had manners. The story goes that he was wearing the wrong baseball hat. Their back yard bordered the park and he was playing ball with his brother, he went to get a fly ball in the park and got into a little bit of a tif with a drunk 14 year old over his hat when he was shot. In 1994 his brother Michael would die in a car accident the night before he was to testify against the shooter. Michael was Ethan's age and was well liked and like his brother a well mannered kind person. These boys were the only children in their family and these events left us heart broken for their parents and the community of Woodglen devastated. Why and how could such a random act of violence like this happen in a neighborhood like Woodglen. Mona Trembath their mother remembered that Michael has said how much he just wanted to be with Jason the day before his car accident. Knowing that she said that, a mother who would get no justice for the murder of her son showed Faith believing that now her boys are together. I to believe with all my heart that they are together and proud of the strength their parents have shown in their passing.

I think we all have tragady's to face in our lives. Mine have not been as devistating or as public as those of the Trembath family. Some of the tragic stories that belong to my family were born in the house on Jackson St. my sister ran away from home while we lived their and my older brother's life long struggle with addiction first came to light while our family lived their. My parents faith and the sometimes imperfect yet concecrated effort they made to teach and save their children was as tangable as any object i have ever seen or held.Their commitment and love for God and faith that he has a plan for earthly families and ways for them and their children to return to him. I grew up knowing that I had a Heavenly Father who loved me unconditionally and that I also had earthly parents who did as well.  That message was never weak through all the other challenging situations that presented themselves in our family my parents set an example of the first and most important thing anyone can do, ask God. Their prayers of love and concern for us were uttered regularly. There is a primary song that goes, "I see my mother kneeling with her family each day I hear the words she wishpers as she bows her head to pray, her plea to the father quites all my fears, I am thankful love is spoken here." I loved and still love that song. It said just how I felt. My parents prayed for us by name in family prayer. They stood and shared the feelings of their hearts in Testimony meetings at chruch. I loved it! I love them. I followed their example and have been blessed abundantly for it. I believe in families and I believe that they can be together forever.

Affection and Fun

1992 My Dad and My Brother's they all wrestled from a very young age.

Wrestling is something my Dad loves with a passion. We spent a lot of Saturdays at wrestling tournaments. I would sit in front of him on bleachers waiting for my brothers next match.  I remember him rubbing my ear lobe and holding my face in his hands. His hands were always soft and very clean. The good thing about the waiting was sitting with my parents and Dad's hands. The smell of bar soap, was a refreshing sent that I could always count on and would over ride the all to familiar smell of a room full of anxious wrestlers. Affection comes very naturally to my Dad, he is very comfortable giving and receiving hugs. I loved to cuddle up to him, watching "The Wonderful World of Disney" on Sunday night and feeling the reassuring warmth and steady breathing of my Daddy's chest and heart. My Mother was different she was like an extension of me. Her hugs and lap were my home. She was just as intimate but in a totally different way. Dad had lots of flattery to shower upon us all while Mom was the loving but firm director.

Me, someone, Adam, Ethan, Corby, Mandy, Mom and Warren in buggy 1982

Warren and Darin 1986

Mom was in charge of the fun and before we had fun we always got the work done. Our finances were limited so Mom knew and took us to all kinds of free things. She knew when free day at the Zoo among other places were and we went. My parents did the maintenance on a condominium complex that had a pool we would help vacuum and clean and then we could swim. It was like having our own private pool most of the time. Watching Mom use a squeegee to clean the mirrors and glass in the foyer of the complex while keeping my baby brother from touching her finished work meant it was almost time to swim. Both of my parents were a lot of fun.

Christmas 1978 and Cross dressed hobo's 1981

They loved to dress up for a party, play cards with friends and family, and host a party. In that way they set the example for us that making time for fun was important. They had lots of fun with us too. Camping was big for us. Bolder Lake was a short hike to good fishing and a fun day trip. There was always a trip to Utah to visit my Mom's people and then Trappers Lake a favorite spot on my Dad's side.

Camping 1984 and swimming 1986 With Ethan and Mandy

But travel wasn't required for the fun to begin. We built tents out of blanket and furniture, had dance parties, slid down the stairs on sofa cushions (Maybe we did that one when my parents weren't home.) More than any game or activity we played it was just the spirit of our home. Dad coming up behind Mom to grab her away from the dishes for a kiss, climbing into bed with them in the morning and wrestling and laughing, they were genuinely happy people.

Our favorite climbing tree on Cyd Dr 1985

They gave us a great gift in that we all felt comfortable and confident in creating and having fun. I remember being given the assignment to wash the walls in our family room because my Mom was going to paint it later that day. Well we decided that since she was going to paint it anyway we would color on the wall. This had to be Corby's idea, she was the artist and very creative. We made the most colorful mural. My Mom wasn't mad when she came home she simple explained to us that she understood why we thought what we did but that painting over crayon would require a more expensive paint and an additional coat of paint. Then there was the time that we were cleaning downstairs and my little brothers wiped peanut butter up and down the hall way walls upstairs or when Darin got into a bucket of flour and ghosted himself. My Mom was the kind of Mom who didn't get mad she took pictures.

Darin in the flour 1984

She was very creative as well. When we were moving from our house on Cyd Dr. she had left our dog in the empty house. I guess the dog was having a problem and had drug it's bottom all over the carpets leaving skid marks every where. I can't even imagine having moved a family of ten and all that cleaning coming back to find that disgusting mess. Well she turned it into fun. Each of those skid marks needed to be treated before she went over the whole thing with a carpet cleaner. So she took us all to the house and with buckets of suds we did slip and slide all over. The combination of all our little feet sliding all over the soapy carpet did the trick and we just thought it was a party.

Our home on Cyd Dr. 2010

Dad, "Getting" Mom 4th of July 1993

It was my parents who taught me how important spontaneous fun is. Spontaneous fun creates intimacy. I love it when all my kids get in bed with us on a Saturday morning. We have silly and ridiculous conversations very much like the ones I remember having with my parents. I caress my kids ear lobes just like my Dad did and does. My son Cael once said something about Grandpa does that to me to, when I was playing with his ear. The way I touch my children and show my love for them has been heavily influenced by the way my parents did. One of our family motto's is, "We work hard so we can play hard!" my parents taught me that. My oldest son Steve and I once got into a flour fight that had the whole family and kitchen covered in flour. As I write this I realize that having a affectionate and spontaneous relationship with my parents has blessed the lives of my children and I believe gives me a different kind of strength and confidence to face the challenges of raising kids today.

Nightmares

Petrea Joell 4 years old

 There are a lot of scary things about being young. Looking back at some of the things that put fear into me makes me laugh and then I think about how very real it all felt and how much I didn't know. Really it's no wonder.

I had two recurring nightmares as a child first was a dream of my Dad as I had often seen him when we would take him lunch as a young child. He was up on scaffolding doing mason work and there was a pit of spiders under the scaffolding in my dream he would fall in head first and we would all run to try and pull him out. Usually we would be pulling and I would wake up. Sometimes we would pull him out only to find that his head was a giant spider. I think that this dream means I loved my Dad and hated spiders. Still do! I think my young mind understood how important my Dad was to our family, how much we all needed him.

My Dad and I 1976

Then there was the play dough monster. He would chase me through the house and I would decide to fight only to find that I could pull as much play dough off of him as I wanted and it wouldn't hurt him at all.

The real night mare in my young world had to do with Aids. Aids was a new disease in the United States. Children used the word to make fun of people on the play ground, you could say they were officially the new cooties. But it was a real big deal. Stories were on the news about it and adults talked about it a lot. Well I had a blood transfusion as a new born. I can't tell you how old I was when I found out or exactly how I found out. I did a lot, and I mean a lot of eavesdropping on my parents, so that could very well be how I found out that Aids was not just a disease plaguing homosexual men. I was on the list of people who were at risk. Donated blood wasn't screened the way it is today when I was born and so I was at risk. Even at sixteen I worried about having a shortened life.

I had the blood transfusion because I was very jaundice my parents have a blood incompatibility that had something to do with it. The story that I was told was that I had a tube put right into my heart when I was only a few days old. I got new blood to help me live. That blood is likely the source of one of the great living nightmares of my young life. When living in American Fork my parents considered getting a horse. Like most children I loved horses. We went to meet a horse that my parents were considering purchasing and on the way home I was looking out the window and rubbing my eyes. It wasn't me who sounded the alarm, maybe Adam was the one who called to my parents at the front of the station wagon. I remember someone yelling that their was something wrong with me and crawling to the front of the wagon to sit between my parents on the front seat (their were no air bags and no restrictions on children in the front. In fact their were no seat belt laws either.) my mother was very concerned. No one let me look at myself but I was later told that my eyes were almost swollen shut and I was covered in hives. I was allergic to horses and so became the ruin of the whole families hopes of getting a pet horse. I felt responsible and guilty in my adolescent world it was a true tragedy.

Me Kindergaten 1980

 In kindergarten my class got to go on a field trip to a farm. My mother had given me quit the lecture about not petting any animals especially the horses. That day was amazing. I got to see a cow give birth and I thought it was so cool. The temptation to pet the animals weighed heavily on me. I made the very conscious decision to disobey, fully knowing what the consequence would be and deciding that it was worth it. I remember the exact moment when I made my choice and walked forward to pet the beautiful horse. The thing I did not anticipate was the reaction of the parent helpers who had accompanied the class. I was pretty swollen and covered in hives by the time we got back to school and there was a lot of pity whispers and staring. Honestly that was the worst part. I knew the deformities were coming but had no idea I would be treated like Quasimodo. It was likely my first taste of harmful and inappropriate shame unintentionally inflicted as it was, it still was.

Then there was my worst Birthday ever. I had invited my entire class and only three people came.( I think I was in 3rd grade) It hailed that day and was likely the reason but I didn't connect the two things and so began to believe I was not well liked. My genie pig died and my neighbor had given me a bird that was dead the next morning. My Birthday fell on a Friday that year and I was born on the 13th so, ( I had been told that I was born on a Friday and lived and so Friday the 13th would therefore be a lucky day for me.) the proof won out. Clearly I was a very unlucky sort. My blood had to be replaced shortly after my birth, I was allergic to my favorite animal and now the second Friday birthday of my life all my pets died. Superstition was born!

My greatest fear as a child was being kidnapped. The idea of being ripped away from my family or having to get away from bad guys was really scary. Still is! I had begged to see the movie, 'Savanna Smiles' (1982) a film about a little girl who accidentally gets kidnapped. Finally my parents took us all to see it but, it was the drive in and I fell asleep. Movies didn't come out at red box when I was a kid and they didn't have net flicks or any of that. I remember when video tapes came out (VHS) I also remember how cool it was to go to the store and pick a movie. We would have to rent the video player to hook up to our TV to watch the video. I was 9 or so when we bought our first video player machine. So it took years before I got to see the movie, Savanna Smiles. It was a film about a little girl who has to get away from bad guys but they make it seem sweet and she isn't harmed. It would be the band aid to my very real fear of being taken. I would also decide that my first baby girl would be named Savanna. Later when the mini series North and South (staring Patric Swayze) came out, Constance would become my favorite name for a girl. She was a beautiful strong and brave character. I wanted to be beautiful and brave when I grew up just like her.

Harris Family 1982 Warren, Dad, Darin, Mom, Mandy, Corby, Ethan, Adam, and Me.

Back to Work After Almost 18 Years

Friday Todd did the taxes and delivered the worst ever news, we owe! We realigned our finances last year to make the budget work with his new job. We thought we had paid all that we would need too. We were wrong. We owe more than I can earn working part time in one year. It's a devastating amount for our family. A feeling of peace came over me and Todd as well. We have said, "I love you!" more than usual and been more capable of accepting this mess then ever before. Are we just getting used to getting the shaft in life or are we growing some kind of awesome faith. I like to think it's the latter and I have proof.

First of all how could I ever feel like I got the shaft, money is a large aspect of running a family and we are always squeezing dollars out of dimes but this family has not gone through a divorce we have had no medical crisis and we have this amazing house that we love and sometimes love to hate. We have more everyday happy than we could ever wish for. I am happy for other people to, the differences in our blessings and life styles doesn't challenge me or push me to draw unhealthy comparisons like it did when I was in my twenties. One of the many reasons that getting older is the best!

It's just got to be faith. Saturday I got to go and see a most beloved cousin sealed to her husband. They have a combined family his three her two and now one together. A sweet reminder that the greatest blessings in life come from being in families. I had been preparing a primary sharing time on Heavenly Father's plan of happiness with a focus on the fact that we are his spirit children. As I pondered this all week the joy of it really filled me. Sunday was fast Sunday and we fasted for help to find solutions to our current financial situation. I shared in church (testimony meeting) the joy of seeing this beautiful family sealed and a little about one of my best friends and her families sealing, the joy of the Plan of Salvation and how wonderful it is. The plans I make are never going how I think they will. God's plan is rock solid. Whether we believe in it or not it just is. I believe that sharing increases my faith and it did. I have this growing confidence in and for God that if I am doing my best and striving he will bless me. The blessings are not what I order up they are almost never what I think they will be but they come. We have learned to count on it.

Monday we got to work looking for answers. We applied for a loan to pay the taxes. The loan officer told me about a waiver we could try to get that she wasn't sure they even give anymore it would allow us to put the full amount of what we owe in the loan at a great interest rate and term. I put together my resume and applied for a few little jobs one 12 hr a week maintenance job that I was sure would be perfect. Todd applied for a few jobs as well. I raked over our budget and sighed at the thought of more cuts. We decided to sell our large SUV and camper/trailer and get a mini van, that will buy down some of our debt and we will spend less money on gas each month. I dished out bad news to the kids. Sharp will have to use his lawn care money to pay for football ($250.00) and Audrie who is already paying most of her way in life will not have a car to drive next year. The old beater truck Steve has been driving will have to be sold. Funny Audrie was really looking forward to driving that thing, I found that surprising. Last week I visited with a old college roommate who presented the idea that turning more financial responsibility over to your children is a gift and teaching tool. For us it hasn't been a choice we have had to do it. Having her present it that way made what in the past has been tearfully painful so much easier. On Monday night Audrie suggested that I apply for a lunch lady job. I did so on Tuesday morning believing that the hours would be impossible and the money not worth the work. I got a call later that day for a interview. The hours were perfect I would leave half hour after putting the kids on the bus and be home two and a half hours before they get home. We talked it over and figured I would take the job even if the money was lousy the hours were just to perfect. The interview was more of a orientation and the pay was 2.50 more per hour than I thought. Later in the day my friend who I had mentioned in my testimony and had been thinking about called with some last minute tickets to see a show at the play house where her daughter works and within thirty minutes we were on a double date with dear friends. In the middle of the rush to get out the door I got a call from the loan officer, we got the waiver and approved for the loan.

This morning I was thinking about working. I don't feel bad about it. We prayed about it last night and the night before. This is all right. Things are going to be all right. They are not what we had pictured or planned but it's all working out and it's going to be okay. Last night my friend shared a great story about fasting and answered prayers and I realized that our fasting and prayer has also brought on a little miracle for our family. Our problems didn't go away but solutions came together with record speed.

I told the primary children on Sunday about how we all shouted for joy in the premortal world  (Job38:4,7) when Heavenly Father told us about his plan and making this world for us. I am full of that joy being alive and mortal and challenged and growing it's a great and wonderful thing worth celebrating.

Moving to Colorado and Grandma's house

When my family lived in Utah we would go to visit my Grandma every Sunday and have Texas Sheet Cake. This was my Mother's Mother and she was and is a wonderful thoughtful Grandma. All the cousins came on Sunday and it was so much fun. I had lots of boy cousins and one girl Cousin who was 5 years older than me and I loved her so much. Sundays were always yummy fun with Grandma's cake and enough cousins for a game of tag. When we lived in the basement of Grandma's house for that short time before moving to Colorado we would all fight over who got to go up and have cocoa and toast with her. She ate cocoa and toast every single day! She would always give the most thoughtful gifts they were not always new but were always wonderful. I missed her terrible when we moved. In 2nd grade I got to fly on an air plane to visit her all by myself, I have no idea why I got to go but I loved that visit and time with my Grandma and cousins.

Corby and I with Grandpa Harris

In Colorado we had my Dad's parents Grandma and Grandpa  Harris. While my Dad was looking for work there and my Mother was still living in Utah my sister and I got to go visit him and stay at Grandma Harris'. It was a memorable and wonderful trip. I got a new Barbie for my Birthday and there was nothing in the whole world as wonderful as opening up a new Barbie. Anyone who loved to play with Barbies knows what I am talking about. Grandma had a cool lava rock in her front yard that my sister and I played Barbie Island on. My Grandpa Harris kept the yard beautiful and I was always shocked when it was time to clean up the dog dodo in their back yard because he would pick it up with his hands, he would laugh at me for acting crazy about it. He let me eat a piece of rhubarb from the garden when ever I asked and eating a raw piece of rhubard still brings back warm memories of Grandpa's beautiful back yard. Every time we have moved I have planted rhubard in my yard . I never thought about why I do it, often it goes to waste, maybe I just realized.

Corby, me and Adam with Fun Uncle John!

Visiting Colorado was really special. There was one big change with my Dad's family my fun Uncle John had gotten married. He married a beautiful woman named Vicki who could sing so wonderfully and spoke with a southern accent. She had two little girls Shannon and Rachelle and we loved them all. The only sad part was that Uncle John was not so fun anymore. He was way grumpier and less playful. I think I said something to my mother about it once and she said it was because he was a Dad now. I thought that made no sense my Dad had kids lots of them and he was still the most fun of all.

John and Vicki Wedding

I think I had a grudge against Uncle John for a long time. You see he was the one who took us back to our Mother in Utah. That sounded like fun at first. I wasn't sad to leave my Dad because he had gotten a job and would be coming to get us with a moving truck in a week or two and my Mom had our baby a boy named Warren Michael after my Dad and his best friend. Come to think of it maybe that is why I wanted to name my first baby after his Dad and best friend. Warren was my baby but, that is a story for another day.

Warren 3 mos 1981

Uncle John said we would spend one night camping on our way from Colorado to Utah and I was happy to be with my sister and cousins. But Uncle John had made one huge mistake well maybe more then one from my 6 year old perspective. First Grandma Harris had tried to get him to take some extra food for dinner while camping and he insisted that we would not need it, he said we would catch fish and that would be our dinner. Well fishing was not to fun. I thought I had a bite but Uncle John wouldn't let me reel in until he got to me and there were four of us fishing and we were all getting snags and calling for him. He got pretty frustrated. We all caught fish but they were suckers to many bones for good eating. We did catch a couple of good ones and I was sure I had caught a couple of good ones to, but my Uncle always took to long to get to helping me and they had got away, I was just sure of it. Dinner was two fish for four kids and two adults. We all went to bed hungry. The next day at lunch a fly landed on my sandwich and everyone was laughing. I didn't want to eat my sandwich anymore and Uncle John got mad at me and told me that I had to. On the drive I left it in the window and it got all dry and crunchy and he said I still had to eat it so I stuck it in my coat pocket to hide it from him. In the fall I would put that coat on again and find that old yucky fly sandwich and it would remind me of the whole awful trip. I didn't like my Uncle John again for a long time. I was always glad to see his pretty wife and my cousins but not him. As I got older my opinion of my Uncle changed drastically he raised a large family and was a really good Dad. He became someone to look up to.

Corby, Shannon, me and Rachelle BEST COUSINS!

When we did get back to Utah my Mom had a surprise for us she had painted and decorated the barbie house my Dad had built for us. It was beautiful with carpet, wall paper and even a hanging plant.

On Moving Day my Dad's buddy Warren helped us to pack up all our things to move. I would miss him so much he was like a Uncle to me. Moving was sad I was leaving so many people that I loved. But it was an adventure too. I chose to ride in the moving truck with my Dad the whole way I would not trade to ride with Mom. In my mind I was showing my Dad how much I missed him and how glad I was he had come to get us. It was a gesture that did not go unnoticed and I thought it made my Mom feel bad. Now I think she was just frustrated that I was not rotating so all of my siblings could have turns. I was to oblivious to realize I was being selfish.

A rest stop on the way with, Corby, Adam, me, Mandy and Ethan

Sunday's in Colorado would be different. My Mother made the Texas sheet cake now and we would take it to Grandma Harris' each Sunday. But there was only Cousin Billy and he was kinda mean. Uncle Roger was two years older than my older brother Adam and he was fun as long as he was not fighting with my brother. We really only had each other to play with. Uncle John would come to visit for a week in the Summer and at Christmas time but their family never lived in Colorado and I missed having cousins. Time passed and we got used to it. We would play together in the front yard our favorite was No Bears Are Out Tonight. This game required my Dad (the Bear) we would all sing, "No Bears are out to night my Daddy killed them all last night." Over and over we would sing until the Bear(My Dad) came roaring out to chase us down. Then my Dad would lay down with us out there and we would star gaze and listen to crickets. Those are my sweetest memories of Grandma Harris' house.
Texas Sheet Cake Recipe:
2 cups flour
2 cups sugar
1 cup butter
1 cup Water
3 Tablespoons cocoa 
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon soda
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla

In a bowl, sift together flour and sugar. Set aside. In a saucepan, add butter, water, and cocoa. Bring to a boil and pour over flour/ sugar mixture. Mix well. Add buttermilk, soda, eggs, and vanilla. Mix well pour into an 11x16 cake pan and bake at 400" for 20 minutes.

Frosting: In a saucepan, combine 1 cube butter, 3 tablespoons cocoa. and 6 tablespoons milk. Bring to a boil. Pour over 1 box powdered sugar, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and if desired 1 cup chopped nut. (My mom always desired walnuts and would put them on half the cake.)