Affection and Fun

1992 My Dad and My Brother's they all wrestled from a very young age.

Wrestling is something my Dad loves with a passion. We spent a lot of Saturdays at wrestling tournaments. I would sit in front of him on bleachers waiting for my brothers next match.  I remember him rubbing my ear lobe and holding my face in his hands. His hands were always soft and very clean. The good thing about the waiting was sitting with my parents and Dad's hands. The smell of bar soap, was a refreshing sent that I could always count on and would over ride the all to familiar smell of a room full of anxious wrestlers. Affection comes very naturally to my Dad, he is very comfortable giving and receiving hugs. I loved to cuddle up to him, watching "The Wonderful World of Disney" on Sunday night and feeling the reassuring warmth and steady breathing of my Daddy's chest and heart. My Mother was different she was like an extension of me. Her hugs and lap were my home. She was just as intimate but in a totally different way. Dad had lots of flattery to shower upon us all while Mom was the loving but firm director.

Me, someone, Adam, Ethan, Corby, Mandy, Mom and Warren in buggy 1982

Warren and Darin 1986

Mom was in charge of the fun and before we had fun we always got the work done. Our finances were limited so Mom knew and took us to all kinds of free things. She knew when free day at the Zoo among other places were and we went. My parents did the maintenance on a condominium complex that had a pool we would help vacuum and clean and then we could swim. It was like having our own private pool most of the time. Watching Mom use a squeegee to clean the mirrors and glass in the foyer of the complex while keeping my baby brother from touching her finished work meant it was almost time to swim. Both of my parents were a lot of fun.

Christmas 1978 and Cross dressed hobo's 1981

They loved to dress up for a party, play cards with friends and family, and host a party. In that way they set the example for us that making time for fun was important. They had lots of fun with us too. Camping was big for us. Bolder Lake was a short hike to good fishing and a fun day trip. There was always a trip to Utah to visit my Mom's people and then Trappers Lake a favorite spot on my Dad's side.

Camping 1984 and swimming 1986 With Ethan and Mandy

But travel wasn't required for the fun to begin. We built tents out of blanket and furniture, had dance parties, slid down the stairs on sofa cushions (Maybe we did that one when my parents weren't home.) More than any game or activity we played it was just the spirit of our home. Dad coming up behind Mom to grab her away from the dishes for a kiss, climbing into bed with them in the morning and wrestling and laughing, they were genuinely happy people.

Our favorite climbing tree on Cyd Dr 1985

They gave us a great gift in that we all felt comfortable and confident in creating and having fun. I remember being given the assignment to wash the walls in our family room because my Mom was going to paint it later that day. Well we decided that since she was going to paint it anyway we would color on the wall. This had to be Corby's idea, she was the artist and very creative. We made the most colorful mural. My Mom wasn't mad when she came home she simple explained to us that she understood why we thought what we did but that painting over crayon would require a more expensive paint and an additional coat of paint. Then there was the time that we were cleaning downstairs and my little brothers wiped peanut butter up and down the hall way walls upstairs or when Darin got into a bucket of flour and ghosted himself. My Mom was the kind of Mom who didn't get mad she took pictures.

Darin in the flour 1984

She was very creative as well. When we were moving from our house on Cyd Dr. she had left our dog in the empty house. I guess the dog was having a problem and had drug it's bottom all over the carpets leaving skid marks every where. I can't even imagine having moved a family of ten and all that cleaning coming back to find that disgusting mess. Well she turned it into fun. Each of those skid marks needed to be treated before she went over the whole thing with a carpet cleaner. So she took us all to the house and with buckets of suds we did slip and slide all over. The combination of all our little feet sliding all over the soapy carpet did the trick and we just thought it was a party.

Our home on Cyd Dr. 2010

Dad, "Getting" Mom 4th of July 1993

It was my parents who taught me how important spontaneous fun is. Spontaneous fun creates intimacy. I love it when all my kids get in bed with us on a Saturday morning. We have silly and ridiculous conversations very much like the ones I remember having with my parents. I caress my kids ear lobes just like my Dad did and does. My son Cael once said something about Grandpa does that to me to, when I was playing with his ear. The way I touch my children and show my love for them has been heavily influenced by the way my parents did. One of our family motto's is, "We work hard so we can play hard!" my parents taught me that. My oldest son Steve and I once got into a flour fight that had the whole family and kitchen covered in flour. As I write this I realize that having a affectionate and spontaneous relationship with my parents has blessed the lives of my children and I believe gives me a different kind of strength and confidence to face the challenges of raising kids today.