Boys! Boys! Boys!

Shaun Haney was the boy across the street and our story could have been told on a show like the 'Wonder Years'. He was the first boy I ever held hands with. We liked each other in 5th grade and everyone knew because we were square dancing partners. Their was a segment in Gym class for square dancing and you had to choose a partner for the entire segment. Shaun was mine in 5th grade but not 6th I made the huge mistake of accepting another boy as partner in 6th grade which I am sure hurt Shaun's feelings. My teacher even told me I had done better with my partner(Shaun) the previous year. I guess by spring Shaun had forgiven me and we were back in 'like' again because we held hands during a movie at outdoor education. (Outdoor education was a special school camping trip.) I hated that we had become the talk of the 6th grade. The news about our hand holding spread like crazy. Shaun was more of a friend than a boyfriend. He was a genuinely kind person. That said there was the time my sister tied me to the light post on the corner of our street. She left me there for a long time. Shaun road his bike past and didn't save me so there is that. But over all nice boy.

In seventh grade a boy passed me a note in math class asking me if I would be his girl friend. I did have a crush on him and so said yes. He met me at my locker at the end of the day and kissed me. This was not what I thought it would be. He stuck his tounge in my mouth and I didn't like it. I decided I would let it go but he did it again the next day. So the day after that I wrote him a note and told him I didn't want to, "Go Out" with him anymore.

Troy, Andrew and Kendra

I would say my first real boyfriend was Andrew Henry. In 8th grade I was kind of having a do over. My best friend from 7th grade had moved away. A girl who lived accross the street from me took her place, Kendra. She had invited me to go to a movie with some of her friends. She was in 7th grade and being the cool 8th grader that I was and trying to come out of my shy shell, I made fun of all of them the whole night. I had ruined everything. I was rude and all those fun kids were going to have nothing to do with me.

A day or two later I found out that Andrew one of the boys who had been there had a little crush on me. This astonished his friends including Kendra who openly told me I had been pretty rude teasing to much. It just so happened that Kendra's boyfriend was Andrew's best friend Troy. They both lived very close to each other as well. The two of them lived on the other side of the park. So Andrew and I got thrown together a lot because our best friends were a couple.

Kendra and Troy

It didn't take long before we became couples. The shocker came when I realized that I had stolen my friends boyfriend. I was the captain of the cheerleaders and Angie who I was getting to know pretty well was my co-captain.

Angie

She was fun and we got along well. She had told me about her boyfriend and I didn't realize that her boyfriend and my crush were one in the same.We did the dramatic back and forth I would break up with him and he would go back to Angie and then they would break up and we would get back together. It was dramatic hurtful and really really not age appropriate. When Andrew was with Angie I would 'Go Out' with one of his friends. There was a pretty tight group of 7th grade friends, because of Facebook I know that they are still tight. I kissed lots of them. I guess you could say I had my wild days in Junior High rather than High School. (Wild in LDS terms that is.) In the end Andrew, Kendra, Troy and I spent the summer before my 9th grade year together. Andrew and I agreed that when school started we would both move on. The four of us had a fun and memorable summer.

Troy and I

Kendra and Troy ended up Married and are still happily married today. I think I can admit that Andrew was my first love, young as I was I think I really did love him. I still care about him and wish him happiness and well.

Troy, Sergio, Me, Steve above. Some of those fun 7th graders.

Dan was from a whole different friend group. We had a off and on again relationship. Once we even had a secret romance. We got caught kissing by one of our friends and so that came to an end. He was the funny life of the party guy and we became fast and easy friends. We played spoons and truth or dare, did a lot of sneaking out together with other friends late at night and did lots of silly stuff like steeling for sale signs out of peoples yards. We coped through the death of a friend together. Wesly Bennidct (Wes) had been a fun loving all around great guy he died in a car accident the summer before 9th grade. One night a bunch of us were out late walking the neighborhood and we decided that we wanted to make a memorial for Wes. He was a football player and so we decide to go put his name on the field. We ripped up the grass to spell his name. Really a silly thing to do but an overall harmless way to lean on each other and work through our pain. Dan would have been my boyfriend in 9th grade had it not been for my desire to be obedient to the guidelines of my church. I was taught that dating before the age of 16 was not appropriate. I embraced my religion that year. I had developed a strong personal relationship with God through personal prayer. Timing was terrible. Another girl had been liking Dan and the gossip was all about who he would end up with me or her. He basicly chose me only to find out that I would no longer be 'Going Out' with any one. He was hurt and long story short my 9th grade year at North East Junior High was a lonely one. I made friends with a couple of Mormon girls that lived south of Denver and I spent most weekends with them. School was just lonely and hard. I was an outcast by choice trying to figure out how to hold to my standards and stay friends with everyone. I guess that is something to be thankful for since that is also the year that everyone started finding ways to get alcohol to the parities. Today Dan is a distant facebook friend. He is openly Gay and looks to be in a loving long term relationship.

Uriah and I 1992

My focus became youth group and church dances.My friendships with Uriah Otting and Chris Aniscough became solid, fun guys from my church ward. I would meet boys from other cities at church dances and we would talk for hours on the phone. Everything got more wholesome in my social world. There would be no more sneaking out. I wouldn't be kissed again until I was 16 and old enough to date. I would make more friends through early morning seminary. (A daily Scripture Study class held before school at the church house) The transition was sweet, I avoided a lot of heart ache and got back some of my youth. Uriah would have a paint war with me while getting our special olympic booth ready. His Mom spent a great deal of loving time helping me get paint out of my hair. Chris made me a pair of boxer shorts. (Popular PJ attire we all wore over long underwear to seminary.) We would all gather and head to the drive in riding in the back of Chris' truck. We made lots of good memories and really grew to become dear friends. In high school we would all eat lunch together at the 'Mormon Table'. There were more boys than girls my age at church and so my friends were primarily boys. I would have crushes from time to time on both Chris and Uriah but nothing was ever acted on. Uriah and I stayed friends after I moved to Utah and still send Christmas cards to day he was and is a dear and true friend. I sometimes see satire of the religious kids in movies and TV shows and think yep I guess that was us without the ugly twists of course.

In The Park ( Woodglen)

When I was in the 5th grade we moved from our home on Cyd Drive. There were a few strange things about moving. First the parents of a girl in my class were buying my house, that was so weird. I remember my parents talking in the front room to the owner and trying to negotiate a purchase. I also remember how excited they were when they found the house on Jackson Street. They were buying a house, we were buying a house and it was a big and exciting deal. Our Bishop had moved away and was called to be the Bishop in a new area we would be moving into this new area called, Woodglen.

Woodglen was Utopia. There was a huge park in the center of the community with a pond, playground, lots of ball fields, a trail big trees and a play ground. Woodglen Elementery was built right next to the park so again we could walk to school. Also there was a ditch. The ditch had a concrete bottom and was lined on each side with grass and large trees. It really was a well designed community and even as an adult I have not seen many subdivisions set up quite so lovely. My brothers would spend a lot of time catching crawdads in the ditch and pond. In the summer I would enjoy walking in the ditch to cool my feet with friends on the way over to the park. My family would live on Jackson St. until my Junior Year in High School. I claim that area as home, were I grew up. When I here Taylor Swift sing, "The house that built me" I think of the house on Jackson St. This is were I went from little girl to young woman and so many happy memories surround the beautiful community of Woodglen.

I would walk through the park to meet up with friends and boy friends who lived on the other side. So many soccer games would be enjoyed in that park. I would share my faith with my best friend Staci and kneel in prayer on a dusky spring evening in that park. My best friend Matt (he really should have been my boyfriend) would play me a song he wrote for me on his saxaphone in that park. I would kiss my first real boyfriend (Andrew) in that park and my second and third for that matter, lots of young and sweet kissing happened in that park. My cute little brothers with buckets full of crawdads and Sunday walks with my sister. Woodglen Park was like a family room in a toddlers world. I learned so much and enjoyed so much growing up in that beautiful park.

 I have to own that there are a few negative and very very sad things that happend while living their. Denver's Crips (blue) and Bloods (red) gangs. We lived about 45min North of Denver and all I knew about crips and bloods was that they were rival gangs that hated each other. Issues surounding what color you wear and what team your baseball hat displayed were things I started hearing about in Junior High. I thought of those kinds of things as distant big city problems. There was almost an incedent in the park, it was 1990 I was with my boyfriend, best friend and a group of other friends. A little boy was mouthing off to us and the boys in our group talked back. He said his brother was a, "Crip" and he was going to go tell him and they were going to come and get us. Andrew, my boyfriend had a big brother he was Corby's age, Travis, I can't remember why he was there but he was around. This old ugly blue van came roaring into the parking lot that we were all walking toward. All these really scary people got out and were coming to us. There were girls and boys all punked out with ratty hair and the girls didn't have much on. One of them had a chain and was holding it out in front of himself in this intimidating I'm coming for you kind of way. I really couldn't tell you what or if other wepons were being displayed but these people were clearly their to beat us up and they were walking toward us. Travis went running out in front of us and strarted debating and trying to reason with them that we were just a bunch of kids and to just leave. They kept walking toward us. I guess someone living in one of the houses must have seen the van speed by or something because we could suddenly hear police sirens and all those scary people turned around and ran back to their van and drove off. It was strange, scary and unforgettable.

The saddest event that touched my life in Woodglen was the murder of a boy my age Jason Trembath.(Oct. 10, 1992) We had gone to school together and I had a little crush on him early in Junior High. I kissed him once at a silly end of school party (7th grade) on a dare sort of thing but I really did like him. I remember wishing that we had left that party together because the party turned a negative kind of silly and a lot of dumb stuff happened. We were both shy, too shy. He was a blond blue eyed sweet boy. The kind of kid who got good grades, played baseball and had manners. The story goes that he was wearing the wrong baseball hat. Their back yard bordered the park and he was playing ball with his brother, he went to get a fly ball in the park and got into a little bit of a tif with a drunk 14 year old over his hat when he was shot. In 1994 his brother Michael would die in a car accident the night before he was to testify against the shooter. Michael was Ethan's age and was well liked and like his brother a well mannered kind person. These boys were the only children in their family and these events left us heart broken for their parents and the community of Woodglen devastated. Why and how could such a random act of violence like this happen in a neighborhood like Woodglen. Mona Trembath their mother remembered that Michael has said how much he just wanted to be with Jason the day before his car accident. Knowing that she said that, a mother who would get no justice for the murder of her son showed Faith believing that now her boys are together. I to believe with all my heart that they are together and proud of the strength their parents have shown in their passing.

I think we all have tragady's to face in our lives. Mine have not been as devistating or as public as those of the Trembath family. Some of the tragic stories that belong to my family were born in the house on Jackson St. my sister ran away from home while we lived their and my older brother's life long struggle with addiction first came to light while our family lived their. My parents faith and the sometimes imperfect yet concecrated effort they made to teach and save their children was as tangable as any object i have ever seen or held.Their commitment and love for God and faith that he has a plan for earthly families and ways for them and their children to return to him. I grew up knowing that I had a Heavenly Father who loved me unconditionally and that I also had earthly parents who did as well.  That message was never weak through all the other challenging situations that presented themselves in our family my parents set an example of the first and most important thing anyone can do, ask God. Their prayers of love and concern for us were uttered regularly. There is a primary song that goes, "I see my mother kneeling with her family each day I hear the words she wishpers as she bows her head to pray, her plea to the father quites all my fears, I am thankful love is spoken here." I loved and still love that song. It said just how I felt. My parents prayed for us by name in family prayer. They stood and shared the feelings of their hearts in Testimony meetings at chruch. I loved it! I love them. I followed their example and have been blessed abundantly for it. I believe in families and I believe that they can be together forever.

Affection and Fun

1992 My Dad and My Brother's they all wrestled from a very young age.

Wrestling is something my Dad loves with a passion. We spent a lot of Saturdays at wrestling tournaments. I would sit in front of him on bleachers waiting for my brothers next match.  I remember him rubbing my ear lobe and holding my face in his hands. His hands were always soft and very clean. The good thing about the waiting was sitting with my parents and Dad's hands. The smell of bar soap, was a refreshing sent that I could always count on and would over ride the all to familiar smell of a room full of anxious wrestlers. Affection comes very naturally to my Dad, he is very comfortable giving and receiving hugs. I loved to cuddle up to him, watching "The Wonderful World of Disney" on Sunday night and feeling the reassuring warmth and steady breathing of my Daddy's chest and heart. My Mother was different she was like an extension of me. Her hugs and lap were my home. She was just as intimate but in a totally different way. Dad had lots of flattery to shower upon us all while Mom was the loving but firm director.

Me, someone, Adam, Ethan, Corby, Mandy, Mom and Warren in buggy 1982

Warren and Darin 1986

Mom was in charge of the fun and before we had fun we always got the work done. Our finances were limited so Mom knew and took us to all kinds of free things. She knew when free day at the Zoo among other places were and we went. My parents did the maintenance on a condominium complex that had a pool we would help vacuum and clean and then we could swim. It was like having our own private pool most of the time. Watching Mom use a squeegee to clean the mirrors and glass in the foyer of the complex while keeping my baby brother from touching her finished work meant it was almost time to swim. Both of my parents were a lot of fun.

Christmas 1978 and Cross dressed hobo's 1981

They loved to dress up for a party, play cards with friends and family, and host a party. In that way they set the example for us that making time for fun was important. They had lots of fun with us too. Camping was big for us. Bolder Lake was a short hike to good fishing and a fun day trip. There was always a trip to Utah to visit my Mom's people and then Trappers Lake a favorite spot on my Dad's side.

Camping 1984 and swimming 1986 With Ethan and Mandy

But travel wasn't required for the fun to begin. We built tents out of blanket and furniture, had dance parties, slid down the stairs on sofa cushions (Maybe we did that one when my parents weren't home.) More than any game or activity we played it was just the spirit of our home. Dad coming up behind Mom to grab her away from the dishes for a kiss, climbing into bed with them in the morning and wrestling and laughing, they were genuinely happy people.

Our favorite climbing tree on Cyd Dr 1985

They gave us a great gift in that we all felt comfortable and confident in creating and having fun. I remember being given the assignment to wash the walls in our family room because my Mom was going to paint it later that day. Well we decided that since she was going to paint it anyway we would color on the wall. This had to be Corby's idea, she was the artist and very creative. We made the most colorful mural. My Mom wasn't mad when she came home she simple explained to us that she understood why we thought what we did but that painting over crayon would require a more expensive paint and an additional coat of paint. Then there was the time that we were cleaning downstairs and my little brothers wiped peanut butter up and down the hall way walls upstairs or when Darin got into a bucket of flour and ghosted himself. My Mom was the kind of Mom who didn't get mad she took pictures.

Darin in the flour 1984

She was very creative as well. When we were moving from our house on Cyd Dr. she had left our dog in the empty house. I guess the dog was having a problem and had drug it's bottom all over the carpets leaving skid marks every where. I can't even imagine having moved a family of ten and all that cleaning coming back to find that disgusting mess. Well she turned it into fun. Each of those skid marks needed to be treated before she went over the whole thing with a carpet cleaner. So she took us all to the house and with buckets of suds we did slip and slide all over. The combination of all our little feet sliding all over the soapy carpet did the trick and we just thought it was a party.

Our home on Cyd Dr. 2010

Dad, "Getting" Mom 4th of July 1993

It was my parents who taught me how important spontaneous fun is. Spontaneous fun creates intimacy. I love it when all my kids get in bed with us on a Saturday morning. We have silly and ridiculous conversations very much like the ones I remember having with my parents. I caress my kids ear lobes just like my Dad did and does. My son Cael once said something about Grandpa does that to me to, when I was playing with his ear. The way I touch my children and show my love for them has been heavily influenced by the way my parents did. One of our family motto's is, "We work hard so we can play hard!" my parents taught me that. My oldest son Steve and I once got into a flour fight that had the whole family and kitchen covered in flour. As I write this I realize that having a affectionate and spontaneous relationship with my parents has blessed the lives of my children and I believe gives me a different kind of strength and confidence to face the challenges of raising kids today.

Nightmares

Petrea Joell 4 years old

 There are a lot of scary things about being young. Looking back at some of the things that put fear into me makes me laugh and then I think about how very real it all felt and how much I didn't know. Really it's no wonder.

I had two recurring nightmares as a child first was a dream of my Dad as I had often seen him when we would take him lunch as a young child. He was up on scaffolding doing mason work and there was a pit of spiders under the scaffolding in my dream he would fall in head first and we would all run to try and pull him out. Usually we would be pulling and I would wake up. Sometimes we would pull him out only to find that his head was a giant spider. I think that this dream means I loved my Dad and hated spiders. Still do! I think my young mind understood how important my Dad was to our family, how much we all needed him.

My Dad and I 1976

Then there was the play dough monster. He would chase me through the house and I would decide to fight only to find that I could pull as much play dough off of him as I wanted and it wouldn't hurt him at all.

The real night mare in my young world had to do with Aids. Aids was a new disease in the United States. Children used the word to make fun of people on the play ground, you could say they were officially the new cooties. But it was a real big deal. Stories were on the news about it and adults talked about it a lot. Well I had a blood transfusion as a new born. I can't tell you how old I was when I found out or exactly how I found out. I did a lot, and I mean a lot of eavesdropping on my parents, so that could very well be how I found out that Aids was not just a disease plaguing homosexual men. I was on the list of people who were at risk. Donated blood wasn't screened the way it is today when I was born and so I was at risk. Even at sixteen I worried about having a shortened life.

I had the blood transfusion because I was very jaundice my parents have a blood incompatibility that had something to do with it. The story that I was told was that I had a tube put right into my heart when I was only a few days old. I got new blood to help me live. That blood is likely the source of one of the great living nightmares of my young life. When living in American Fork my parents considered getting a horse. Like most children I loved horses. We went to meet a horse that my parents were considering purchasing and on the way home I was looking out the window and rubbing my eyes. It wasn't me who sounded the alarm, maybe Adam was the one who called to my parents at the front of the station wagon. I remember someone yelling that their was something wrong with me and crawling to the front of the wagon to sit between my parents on the front seat (their were no air bags and no restrictions on children in the front. In fact their were no seat belt laws either.) my mother was very concerned. No one let me look at myself but I was later told that my eyes were almost swollen shut and I was covered in hives. I was allergic to horses and so became the ruin of the whole families hopes of getting a pet horse. I felt responsible and guilty in my adolescent world it was a true tragedy.

Me Kindergaten 1980

 In kindergarten my class got to go on a field trip to a farm. My mother had given me quit the lecture about not petting any animals especially the horses. That day was amazing. I got to see a cow give birth and I thought it was so cool. The temptation to pet the animals weighed heavily on me. I made the very conscious decision to disobey, fully knowing what the consequence would be and deciding that it was worth it. I remember the exact moment when I made my choice and walked forward to pet the beautiful horse. The thing I did not anticipate was the reaction of the parent helpers who had accompanied the class. I was pretty swollen and covered in hives by the time we got back to school and there was a lot of pity whispers and staring. Honestly that was the worst part. I knew the deformities were coming but had no idea I would be treated like Quasimodo. It was likely my first taste of harmful and inappropriate shame unintentionally inflicted as it was, it still was.

Then there was my worst Birthday ever. I had invited my entire class and only three people came.( I think I was in 3rd grade) It hailed that day and was likely the reason but I didn't connect the two things and so began to believe I was not well liked. My genie pig died and my neighbor had given me a bird that was dead the next morning. My Birthday fell on a Friday that year and I was born on the 13th so, ( I had been told that I was born on a Friday and lived and so Friday the 13th would therefore be a lucky day for me.) the proof won out. Clearly I was a very unlucky sort. My blood had to be replaced shortly after my birth, I was allergic to my favorite animal and now the second Friday birthday of my life all my pets died. Superstition was born!

My greatest fear as a child was being kidnapped. The idea of being ripped away from my family or having to get away from bad guys was really scary. Still is! I had begged to see the movie, 'Savanna Smiles' (1982) a film about a little girl who accidentally gets kidnapped. Finally my parents took us all to see it but, it was the drive in and I fell asleep. Movies didn't come out at red box when I was a kid and they didn't have net flicks or any of that. I remember when video tapes came out (VHS) I also remember how cool it was to go to the store and pick a movie. We would have to rent the video player to hook up to our TV to watch the video. I was 9 or so when we bought our first video player machine. So it took years before I got to see the movie, Savanna Smiles. It was a film about a little girl who has to get away from bad guys but they make it seem sweet and she isn't harmed. It would be the band aid to my very real fear of being taken. I would also decide that my first baby girl would be named Savanna. Later when the mini series North and South (staring Patric Swayze) came out, Constance would become my favorite name for a girl. She was a beautiful strong and brave character. I wanted to be beautiful and brave when I grew up just like her.

Harris Family 1982 Warren, Dad, Darin, Mom, Mandy, Corby, Ethan, Adam, and Me.

Moving to Colorado and Grandma's house

When my family lived in Utah we would go to visit my Grandma every Sunday and have Texas Sheet Cake. This was my Mother's Mother and she was and is a wonderful thoughtful Grandma. All the cousins came on Sunday and it was so much fun. I had lots of boy cousins and one girl Cousin who was 5 years older than me and I loved her so much. Sundays were always yummy fun with Grandma's cake and enough cousins for a game of tag. When we lived in the basement of Grandma's house for that short time before moving to Colorado we would all fight over who got to go up and have cocoa and toast with her. She ate cocoa and toast every single day! She would always give the most thoughtful gifts they were not always new but were always wonderful. I missed her terrible when we moved. In 2nd grade I got to fly on an air plane to visit her all by myself, I have no idea why I got to go but I loved that visit and time with my Grandma and cousins.

Corby and I with Grandpa Harris

In Colorado we had my Dad's parents Grandma and Grandpa  Harris. While my Dad was looking for work there and my Mother was still living in Utah my sister and I got to go visit him and stay at Grandma Harris'. It was a memorable and wonderful trip. I got a new Barbie for my Birthday and there was nothing in the whole world as wonderful as opening up a new Barbie. Anyone who loved to play with Barbies knows what I am talking about. Grandma had a cool lava rock in her front yard that my sister and I played Barbie Island on. My Grandpa Harris kept the yard beautiful and I was always shocked when it was time to clean up the dog dodo in their back yard because he would pick it up with his hands, he would laugh at me for acting crazy about it. He let me eat a piece of rhubarb from the garden when ever I asked and eating a raw piece of rhubard still brings back warm memories of Grandpa's beautiful back yard. Every time we have moved I have planted rhubard in my yard . I never thought about why I do it, often it goes to waste, maybe I just realized.

Corby, me and Adam with Fun Uncle John!

Visiting Colorado was really special. There was one big change with my Dad's family my fun Uncle John had gotten married. He married a beautiful woman named Vicki who could sing so wonderfully and spoke with a southern accent. She had two little girls Shannon and Rachelle and we loved them all. The only sad part was that Uncle John was not so fun anymore. He was way grumpier and less playful. I think I said something to my mother about it once and she said it was because he was a Dad now. I thought that made no sense my Dad had kids lots of them and he was still the most fun of all.

John and Vicki Wedding

I think I had a grudge against Uncle John for a long time. You see he was the one who took us back to our Mother in Utah. That sounded like fun at first. I wasn't sad to leave my Dad because he had gotten a job and would be coming to get us with a moving truck in a week or two and my Mom had our baby a boy named Warren Michael after my Dad and his best friend. Come to think of it maybe that is why I wanted to name my first baby after his Dad and best friend. Warren was my baby but, that is a story for another day.

Warren 3 mos 1981

Uncle John said we would spend one night camping on our way from Colorado to Utah and I was happy to be with my sister and cousins. But Uncle John had made one huge mistake well maybe more then one from my 6 year old perspective. First Grandma Harris had tried to get him to take some extra food for dinner while camping and he insisted that we would not need it, he said we would catch fish and that would be our dinner. Well fishing was not to fun. I thought I had a bite but Uncle John wouldn't let me reel in until he got to me and there were four of us fishing and we were all getting snags and calling for him. He got pretty frustrated. We all caught fish but they were suckers to many bones for good eating. We did catch a couple of good ones and I was sure I had caught a couple of good ones to, but my Uncle always took to long to get to helping me and they had got away, I was just sure of it. Dinner was two fish for four kids and two adults. We all went to bed hungry. The next day at lunch a fly landed on my sandwich and everyone was laughing. I didn't want to eat my sandwich anymore and Uncle John got mad at me and told me that I had to. On the drive I left it in the window and it got all dry and crunchy and he said I still had to eat it so I stuck it in my coat pocket to hide it from him. In the fall I would put that coat on again and find that old yucky fly sandwich and it would remind me of the whole awful trip. I didn't like my Uncle John again for a long time. I was always glad to see his pretty wife and my cousins but not him. As I got older my opinion of my Uncle changed drastically he raised a large family and was a really good Dad. He became someone to look up to.

Corby, Shannon, me and Rachelle BEST COUSINS!

When we did get back to Utah my Mom had a surprise for us she had painted and decorated the barbie house my Dad had built for us. It was beautiful with carpet, wall paper and even a hanging plant.

On Moving Day my Dad's buddy Warren helped us to pack up all our things to move. I would miss him so much he was like a Uncle to me. Moving was sad I was leaving so many people that I loved. But it was an adventure too. I chose to ride in the moving truck with my Dad the whole way I would not trade to ride with Mom. In my mind I was showing my Dad how much I missed him and how glad I was he had come to get us. It was a gesture that did not go unnoticed and I thought it made my Mom feel bad. Now I think she was just frustrated that I was not rotating so all of my siblings could have turns. I was to oblivious to realize I was being selfish.

A rest stop on the way with, Corby, Adam, me, Mandy and Ethan

Sunday's in Colorado would be different. My Mother made the Texas sheet cake now and we would take it to Grandma Harris' each Sunday. But there was only Cousin Billy and he was kinda mean. Uncle Roger was two years older than my older brother Adam and he was fun as long as he was not fighting with my brother. We really only had each other to play with. Uncle John would come to visit for a week in the Summer and at Christmas time but their family never lived in Colorado and I missed having cousins. Time passed and we got used to it. We would play together in the front yard our favorite was No Bears Are Out Tonight. This game required my Dad (the Bear) we would all sing, "No Bears are out to night my Daddy killed them all last night." Over and over we would sing until the Bear(My Dad) came roaring out to chase us down. Then my Dad would lay down with us out there and we would star gaze and listen to crickets. Those are my sweetest memories of Grandma Harris' house.
Texas Sheet Cake Recipe:
2 cups flour
2 cups sugar
1 cup butter
1 cup Water
3 Tablespoons cocoa 
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon soda
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla

In a bowl, sift together flour and sugar. Set aside. In a saucepan, add butter, water, and cocoa. Bring to a boil and pour over flour/ sugar mixture. Mix well. Add buttermilk, soda, eggs, and vanilla. Mix well pour into an 11x16 cake pan and bake at 400" for 20 minutes.

Frosting: In a saucepan, combine 1 cube butter, 3 tablespoons cocoa. and 6 tablespoons milk. Bring to a boil. Pour over 1 box powdered sugar, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and if desired 1 cup chopped nut. (My mom always desired walnuts and would put them on half the cake.)

Lucky In Love

I don't really know if I believe in luck but if I did I would have thought that my parents had some of the best and worst luck in the world. My Dad bought into a franchise right before he married my mother he was trying to decide between a McDonald's or a Lum's (a Arby's type place) of course he chose the Lum's and his restaurant was doing great until the franchise fell apart and he would have to come up with some over sized amount of money to keep his doors open. Growing up we would ocationally tease about how life would be if he had chosen the McDonald's. The next occupation I remember would be as a mason. He started his own business and as a child when visiting Utah Valley we always had to drive by at least a dozen homes he had done brick work on. His business was great and our family moved into a brand new home in American Fork. It was 1980 and the housing market bottomed out suddenly there was no work and my Dad got very depressed. He went into a creative mode and built my sisters and I a beautiful barbie house. In the mean time my Mother who was desperate to make ends meet sold all my Dad's equipment. This became a sore spot forever more with my Dad who I think would have eventually recovered his business. Instead my pregnant Mother, my four siblings and I moved into my Grandmothers basement. My father went to Colorado to find work. His up and down career in sales began. My Dad came to get us after my brother Warren was born (#6). My Dad would have a long career in sales and start a property management business that would create some stability for a while. He was and is a life long entrepreneur. His luck was good for short periods of time but I don't think he ever saw a ten year stretch in any employment.

When my mom won the Atari

My Mother was always very creative and good at squeezing dollars out of dimes. We had amazing Halloween costumes made out of odds and ends and birthday parties were the same some how she always pulled it off. She won an atari computer back when very few people had computers in their homes. We had Pac Man in our house! Then she won bikes from 7 eleven we would have to fill out stacks of entry forms eveyday after school and she put our names in drawing all over. Every 7 eleven had one bike to win and our family won 6 of them. So I guess you could say she was the lucky one.
If our bad luck was in money then our good luck was in health. My parents had eight children we had stitches a time or two but no broken bones or glasses. There were a few catastrophys like the time my big brother Adam accedently cut of the tips of two of his fingers reaching into a running lawn mower. Or when my little sister was playing doctor and used a razor blade to cut the same big brothers wrist. I had found the razor blades and placed them in our toy doctor kit they looked like fun and I knew they were for medical purposes. But the very worst catastrophy to ever face our family was when my baby brother Darin (#7) drank paint thiner.

Darin

My mother was always making our home beautiful it didn't matter if we owned or rented she would clean and garden like crazy we always had the most beautiful yard and home.To decorate she would paint. I always had pretty walls in my room. This time she was painting an accent wall in our living room. My Dad was a traveling salesman and out on the road. Of course because she had a project under way the house was in disaray and that was the first thing I noticed as I walked in the door from a hard day of 4th grade. I saw my Mother holding my brother on her lap with the phone under her neck. She was frantic and he was a grayish color she had a glass of milk and was pooring it into him. A moment later a man in a blue uniform rushed into my home and my Mother and baby brother were gone. As the rest of my syblings arived we huddled together on the sofa looking out the window, we were waiting for my brother who would be home from the junior high. We clung to each other crying. When my brother did arrive he was in a mood and told us all we were stupid and went down to his room. The rest of us decided that their was only one thing to do so we gathered in a circle and knelt in prayer we prayed and cried and prayed. My brother was life flighted to a children's hospital and was there for three days. For those three days we had no parents. People from church took care of us. My mother was serving in the Stake Young Women's presidency with this amazing lady name Carol she came with a team of cleaning ladies that did a number on our entire house. We were taken care of. I remember my Dad was never reached (there were no cell phones) and he said it was a good thing because he was very far away and would have likely killed himself speeding home. I was so scared, but that prayer we gathered as children to pray it was a powerful thing my baby brother should not have lived and he did. I don't think that was luck I think it was faith and our prayers and the prayers of everyone who loved us healed my baby brother. So maybe we were never lucky with money but we were always lucky in love.

Mandy, Warren, Me, Darin, Adam, Cordy and Ethan I think this picture is why I started to get self concious of my big forehead.

Joell's house

Me in my favorite shirt with my favorite person!

People who know me would say that I am bold and out spoken. Someone who speaks my mind  freely. This was nurtured in me it was not in my nature to be this way. I grew up with bold out spoken parents who taught me to ask lots of questions and to question everything. I don't think this parenting style is common in my religious culture and I deeply appreciate that I was raised this way.

My nature is a happy obedient one. I was a very shy child who didn't have school friends until I was 7ish. I had lots of imaginary friends and lived much of my childhood in my own make believe stories. My first real friend was my Aunt Carla and she was my friend because she encouraged and accepted my creative world. She didn't tease me, rather she played right along and became like a beautiful angel in my little girl world and first true life long friend. She is a paraplegic and her chair was my house. I loved to play under her chair. The spokes of her wheels were my kitchen and she was always willing to eat or drink whatever I made. I would push her legs open to crawl through the front door to climb up on her lap. She was so beautiful to me with her long beautiful hair and bright happy eyes. The first time I realized that she was challenged was when she went away for a while. I missed her and was told that Carla was learning how to do lots of things for herself that she wanted to do. I was taken to visit her and I remember that she was learning to tie her shoes. I was learning how to tie my shoes! Up til then her chair and even her tightly fisted hands were not to me challenging. She had a cool bag on her leg and could pee in the parking lot right out of her pant leg, she could do all kinds of wonderful things with her wheels and she could paint and draw better than anyone I knew. Her love gave my soul strength.

  In 1980 I was 5 and she graduated from BYU with

her degree in Art. That year I was part of her art show called, "Joell's House" That was my name then Joell. (My middle name) I was so proud the show was really all about her chair, my house, but in my five year old mind it was all about me. I was her favorite and she was mine and the whole world knew. You would have thought I was going to Disneyland I was so exited to attend the opening of her show. We were very late due to incredibly thick fog and I remember how scary it was and how slow my Dad drove. I also remember him considering turning around because it was so dangerous. I am so thankful he didn't. I felt like a queen that night.
The next year my family moved from Utah to Colorado and I missed Carla. She came to visit and I knew something was wrong. My Mom was unhappy with her. My older sister told me it was because Aunt Carla was queer. To me queer was a mean name kids called each other on the play ground, I had no idea what it really meant. I was furious with my sister for calling my wonderful aunt a name. My Mother assured me that Carla was not a queer and shewed me away.
 Big sisters don't like getting in trouble and they don't like being wrong either most especially when they know they are right. At some point in secrecy my sister explained what queer meant to me. I was told that she lived with her friend but I knew how things really were and with only the guidance of my elementary aged sister I formed my own conclusions and there was one thing for sure Aunt Carla was no longer my best friend and I was not eating anything that was made at her house. Years later when my family made our exodus back to Utah and met with repeated catastrophe Aunt Carla came to the rescue and became a best friend to me again. But that is a story for another day.
As I got older my parents would become very open about having conversations about various topics, they were always willing to talk. I am not sure why they didn't talk to me about it then. I guess they didn't want to upset me or they thought I was to young. Lesson learned when kids ask give them the truth because they will find it with out you, and you won't be able to script the meaning and help them process the information. So when my eight year old came to me asking about oral sex because of something a neighbor told him we sat down and had the full birds and the bees talk right then, I wasn't happy about it but he needed answers. I didn't ban him from playing with that neighbor he was a sweet boy with a very challenging situation and ironically is gay.

Being A Popular...drug dealer?

My sister, our big brother, and I

Being popular is a big responsibility, even on a 4th grade level. I had boys bringing me gifts and asking me to be their girl friend. My first love had been Chris in 1st grade. He broke my heart when he drank out of the drinking fountain at the same time as that hussy Jessica. Of course this was just a rumor but I believed it. My big brother had helped me write a letter to Chris and that ended up getting read by my teacher because he couldn't read the big words my brother had helped me pen. I should have learned my lesson about letting my brother help me out in matters of love but there are sadly more stories where that came from.The point is I didn't want anyone to get hurt the way I had been. The truth is I loved Angelo. He was a cute little Spanish boy with dimples and a shy disposition like my own. So he was never brave enough to ask me to be his girl friend and I was not going to be mean so I just went out with who ever asked me. After all going out with someone didn't really mean anything any way. I was given a lot of jewelery and when my mom found out she said I couldn't accept gifts like that and that it was because I was to young. Now I realize that it was really because she suspected some shop lifting.

Front row Chris (red shirt), Jessica (white shirt), Me red and white top and Angelo next to me on the end.

Things carried on just fine for a while. I even had a answered prayer. You see I still had a little flame for Chris but he had moved and I didn't go to his school anymore. After my hair cut I just knew he would love me if he ever saw me again. I had prayed and prayed asking to be able to see Chris just one more time and I promised that if God would let me see him again I would never ask again. Well I saw him at the roller skating rink and I was right he liked me and I am pretty sure my fabulous hair had everything to do with it. It was wonderful flirting with him and when we left that day I knew I would never see him again and I never have. God had answered my prayer and I was satisfied.

     In order to maintain popularity you must start trends. I was not aware of this but started one accidentally that at first made me even more popular than I ever would have thought and then without even realizing it I became a drug dealer. I slipped a package of alka seltzer into my pocket to take to school. I had simply had a upset tummy the night before and was worried about having one at school. I was feeling not so well and wanted to take the alka seltzer but quickly realized that I didn't have a cup to dissolve it in. So I thought I would just place it on my tongue and get a drink from the drinking fountain. Well of course as soon as I put a piece of the tablet on my tongue it began to fizz and I found it entertaining so I showed my friend who then wanted a piece herself. Within a couple of weeks everyone was bring tablets to school trading, sharing and hiding. When one of us got caught the who thing was taken very seriously. There was a full investigation that led strait to you know who. There was a meeting with the principal and a letter home.

My beautiful parents 1970 something.

My parents were not strict with us. They had confidence it the principals they were teaching and in their children. They were intimate and playful with us. They knew me. Their response was all out gut wrenching laughter. They found the trail of who gave it to who totally hilarious and I think my mom may have even kept the letter. Not all parents responded like mine. My popularity hit rock bottom. Some were grounded and I am sure some were told to be nice but don't be friends. My hair cut had taken me to the top and now a stupid little piece of alka seltzer had washed it all away.

 I did still have one fan. This awful boy who would talk boldly about things kids shouldn't talk about. He was to me yucky both inside and out. One day he came to the door of my house and asked if he could walk me to school. I was devastated. My Mother insisted that I had to do it even though I had openly said no I think I may have even shut the door on him. She took me aside and scolded me about kindness and sent me out the door. We began walking and when we were a safe distance from the house I told him that I might have to walk to school with him but I was not going to walk on the same side of the street. I crossed the street and that put an end to that nonsense. Over time the alka seltzer feasco faded and I was fine again. But I was no longer popular, for one thing everyone had my hair style and I didn't have the bold personality required to reclimb the social ladder. The next year my family moved again and I went right back to my shy self.

A Mullet Will Do The Trick!

Me 6 mos 1975

I am told that as a baby I was a happy and pleasing child. I would sleep when it was dark and woke when the sun came out. This gave my Mother the brilliant notion to put card board up in my windows and when she was ready for me to wake she would take it down. My first word was, "Yes" and I would use it the way some babies use "No".  Dad likes to remind me that he could ask me if I wanted a spanking and the answer was always a sweet drawn out yes! I have one big brother and one big sister, all I remember about them in my infancy is that my sister didn't want to share with me. I have never been someone who minds being alone. I had many imaginary friends and made up countless stories. My family was big and busy, by age two I had a baby brother and eighteen months later I had a baby sister. For a short period I was the middle child, three more brothers would come to make a total of 8 children. There was only one thing that could have rivaled my need to please my family and that was my love for my imaginary world.

Ethan 1983

 I loved to live in a story. I played barbie and babies and when I was playing with my sister and neighbor children it was in some kind of made up adventure. We would go on pioneer treks, we were often Swiss Family Robinson, there were the beauty pageants and lots for reenactments of Dukes of Hazard and other now iconic TV shows. In one episode of  Incredible Hulk my brother Ethan who was playing the Incredible Hulk kept missing his cue and we were yelling at him about it. He was in a a bi fold closet which he was supposed to jump out of. He couldn't figure out how to open the doors from the inside but never said so. To please his big sisters he did just what the Incredible Hulk would do and pushed the whole door off it's hinges which resulted in stitches for me. I have worn a beautiful scar on the left side of my forehead ever since. My parents didn't get angry about these kinds of things they were just a part of raising kids. They loved my imagination and supported and encouraged it. In fact they have a favorite family story in which I totally lost it on the front row during stake conference because there was not room for my imaginary friend to sit and my brother needed to move because he was sitting on her.
In kindergarten I was always in trouble for day dreaming. I didn't have friends and I didn't care. I spoke to myself on recess and on the way to school and i didn't care if I got made fun of for it.  I loved my stories. It was mostly my own siblings that teased me about it anyway. For the most part my imaginary world went hand in hand with my shy disposition, it was my desire to be pleasing that didn't mix.
On my first day of school I was to shy to get off the kindergarten bus. I had been given instructions by my Mother to get off with a specific neighbor child, but their was a lady with a clip board and she told us that we could only get off if she called our name. The stop came and I watched as the neighbor got off in my slightly familiar part of the world. I could feel that I should say or do something but fear over came me and what I got instead was a long ride back to the school all alone. This was one of those experiences that taught me how important it is to speak up. Like many of life lessons it had to repeat itself a few times before I got it.

Corby and I Easter 1977

In second grade I was lucky to have a wonderful teacher who was Mormon like me. My sister had had her before me and assured me of how fabulous she was. Once I was pretending to follow along during reading, when really I was day dreaming. She put an emotional spotlight on me for the whole class and held me up to them as an attentive student. I carried a lot of guilt for that one. Later that year during math time she asked me if I had completed a problem. I had been day dreaming and so had missed the middle part of the lesson. I miss understood the question and answered her with what I thought was the truth. Later she looked at my paper and chastised me for telling a lie. She kept me after school and gave me a scolding for being dishonest, she told me she knew how I was being raised and that she expected more of me because of it. When my big sister came to pick me up I began to cry and explain the miss understanding. She told me I needed to go back and straiten things out with my teacher. I refused the shy quality in me was more powerful than the deep need to make things right. Corby my sister really worked me over with lots of encouragement and a little prodding. In the end she lost and I refused. I always felt badly about my inability to stand up for myself.

More opportunities  to overcome my shyness lay ahead and I would eventually rise to the occasion. Who would have thought a mullet would do the trick. I was raised to believe I was pretty. My father made sure of that. He was and still is the most romantic and nostalgic person I have ever known. When I was asked to draw myself for the first time I drew myself with a crown. My teacher told my parents this was a very good sign about how I saw myself. Both of them had to know it was all to my Dad's credit. He was always telling me how beautiful I was and my nick name for quite a while was Fara Faucet. She was an actress in the TV show, "Charlies Angel's". I had a sleeping confidence about my looks that was awakened in 4rd grade. My Mother let us get the latest hair style. I had a mullet and now every boy in class and all the girls thought I was beautiful. My popularity sky rocketed and you can not be the most popular girl in class and stay shy and I didn't. Pleasing finally over came shy. Now to learn how to stand up to pleasing.

Summer 1985 My little sister Mandy, myself and cousin